#what emerges on the border between two things

[blood-orange-juice]

Accidentally deleted an ask instead of replying, so I'll just make a post. The ask was about how me valuing Traveler and Childe's friendship makes my view of the character biased.

Idk, mate, I think it's impossible to separate a person from their system of relationships. Would Childe be the same character without his love for his family, his loyalty to the Tsaritsa, his fawning over Skirk and his strange obsession with the whale? I don't think so.

Maniacs and blood knights are found in media in abundance, it's his attachments that make him unique.

So why should we make his interactions with Zhongli or the Traveler an exception? Just because they can also be shipped and there have been bad OOC takes? Please.

What matters is not their *relationship* (whether the Traveler reciprocates and how exactly the result looks is left to the player), but rather Childe's ability to offer this relationship to an enemy. The strange amount of trust he shows, the reason he picks this person specifically, the way it ties into deep lore. Attachments and sympathies add depth to characters and this one adds a particularly rare kind of depth.

He saw someone who is trying to transcend their limits and possibly reality itself (someone like him) and offered his trust and admiration with no questions asked. That's incredibly beautiful and it tells us so much about him. He wouldn't be the same character without an ability to do that.

I don't think it shows my bias, I think it shows good writing on Hoyo's part. Characters sharing a story should interact and have synergy, it's not much of a story otherwise.

[weaselle]

You came face to face with a wolf in the woods? What’s the story in that

ok ok so i'm driving through the woods down from Oregon to visit the fam in California, right? And right as i'm about to cross the border from OR to CA i'm like, oh shit, pops is the only one i don't have a christmas present for.

So i see this big weird log-cabin-ass liquor store and i'm all, he loves a unique bottle of wine, gotta be something in there he can't get back home so i pull in.

It's a building made of logs all by itself on the edge of the woods in the hills along the N. border of California. While i'm in there i ask to use the bathroom and they tell me sure, it's a small separate building behind the store

just walk down the foot path into the woods a few yards until you get to the fork and take the right side path to the little bathroom hut. Don't take the left side path unless you want to disappear all the way into the woods. Cool.

So i walk into the woods on the little trail, and i get to the fork in the path, and i can see the little bathroom hut off to the right. Before i take the right, as i'm standing there, i look down the left side path that trails off into the woods.

And right then this full grown wolf steps out onto the trail, about 15 feet from me.

it was in fact, this exact wolf. Altho he is older in this picture than when i met him. When he stepped out to come face to face with me that day, he was quite a bit thinner.

Now at 15 feet, i instantly knew he was a wolf. Not a coyote, certainly not a dog, when you're close and you look in their face it's just different in the snout and eyes.

So i freeze, and i'm looking at him but i'm not making any sustained eye-contact and i'm feeling that weird calm feeling i get when shit is too serious to panic. And i'm trying to look bored because that's the safest middle ground between acting like prey and acting like a threat and i'm like, shit. Shit. Okay. This is a wolf. This is a whole ass wild wolf in the woods, only about 3 body lengths from me. What is about to happen here. One of us is going to do something soon and it better not be the wrong thing.

Wolf is just standing there the same as me. Wouldn't surprise me if it was having basically the exact same thoughts

i wasn't working professionally with dogs yet, but even then i knew canines real well, and as i'm standing there getting a real good look i realize, fuck, this wolf is like, just under 2 years old.

This is very bad news for me.

See, an experienced adult wolf knows things. For instance, an experienced adult wolf knows exactly what it prefers to hunt (not humans) and has probably gotten good at hunting those things (and is therefor not desperate for food) and an older experienced wolf knows that it really can't afford to get injured in a fight if it can avoid one, and probably has figured out that humans are to be left alone.

But a wolf between a year and a half and two years? Is just becoming an adult. This is a wolf that meets an animal the same size as it and has questions.

Questions like "Is this a creature i want to eat?" or "maybe this is a creature that wants to eat me?" and the problem with both of those questions is the answer can easily wind up being "i should probably try to kill it"

Because a mature wolf will assess a threat for the safest way to deal with it, but, like a twenty year old person, a young inexperienced wolf is more prone to brash actions, such as preemptively attacking something it perceives as a threat.

I'm checking his body language and it is reading as uncertain, patient, fairly relaxed but ready for explosive action. Not great, but could be a lot worse.

All this is going through my calm calm head. Like of course i am frightened, but in emergencies my heart like, actually seems to slow a bit? and i get this weird calm clear feeling.

Anyway i'm standing there looking at this wolf, and this wolf is looking at me, and i start to realize... i'm the mature adult in this situation. I have to be the one to decide how this encounter goes.

It was at this point i recalled something i read in a book about cats.

In this book, the author goes to visit her father who is studying lions in Africa. He's staying in a village and when she gets there she is told she might stumble across a lion in the brush if she goes walking around outside the village for any reason (which is why her father is there) and that if she DOES come across a lion, for generations the locals have had a little social exchange worked out with the lions, so she should speak loudly but politely to the lion, and then walk purposefully away at an oblique angle to the lion.

So of course she's on a walk one day and a lion suddenly stands up not far from her. She freezes, unable to do the thing she had been told to do. After waiting and waiting, finally the lion makes a series of loud grunts, and then walks off at an oblique angle, as if to show her how it was done.

I remembered how much sense that made to me when i read it. An oblique angle is like, not straight ahead of you and not straight to the side of you, but sort of halfway between, like one of the branches on a "Y". An oblique angle is more toward than away, so it cannot be mistaken for any kind of running away, but it isn't directly toward the animal enough to be threatening. it is the physical communication equivalent of "You're in my way, but i'll be polite and go around you".

At an oblique angle to my right was the bathroom. So trying to seem like i didn't care about the wolf at all while simultaneously keeping very close track of its reactions, I walked kind of toward him, but way off to one side.

He relaxed more as i did so, watching me go. Then i was inside the little bathroom with the door shut and all my calm went away.

I didn't have my phone on me, and i was in a tiny room in the woods, and all i could think was, jesus christ that was a wolf. A fucking wolf. I just like, walked right by a wolf. A wolf, dude. What if I open the door and the wolf is RIGHT there on the other side? Can i get the door shut fast enough or will he be able to force its way into this cramped space with me? Have i just trapped myself in the woods with this wolf?

Since i was in there anyway, i peed and washed my hands... and then i cracked the door open with my heart in my throat. But that wolf was long gone -- probably melted back into the woods the instant my eyes were all the way off it.

I went back into the liquor store and told the lady in there that there was a wolf nearby, and she said they'd caught a glimpse of it a couple times, and they thought it was a dog jumped out of somebody's truck? I'm not sure she believed me.

Couldn't really blame her. As far as i was aware, there hadn't been any wild wolves in California in close to a hundred years.

So when i got where i was going and found some time to myself around a computer a couple days later, i looked it up.

Sure enough it turns out this wolf on the northern border of California was Wolf OR-7, who, wearing a tracking collar, at one and a half years old, became the first confirmed wild wolf to be in California since 1924, crossing the Oregon border within two days of my sighting him in that area. I found a thread online of people who had managed to get photos of him crossing their property, and while i'm not an expert at identifying wolves, it seemed to be the same wolf. And the right age. And confirmed to be on the border of California the same time I was. And was the only wolf in a hundred years to be there.

I didn't notice a tracking collar on him, but he's also wearing it in the above pic i included, so you can seen how i might have missed it.

So, I met wolf OR-7 face to face! And it was very memorable.

He did very well for himself. Went back up to Oregon and got himself a mate, and founded the Rogue Wolf Pack, the first pack in west Oregon in forever. Most wild wolves are lucky to see six years, but OR-7 (sometimes called Journey) lived to be 11. Some of his pups grew up and started their own packs.

Somebody wrote a book about him, and there's some kind of movie or TV documentary about him i haven't seen, it's called OR-7's Journey or something like that.

Here's a map of his travels

These are his grandchildren, sired by one of his sons

and here is some documentation of wolves in Oregon and California that includes, for example, that OR-7's daughter, OR-54, traveled over 8,000 miles around California and even into Nevada. This is her:

Anyway, that's the story of the time i bumped into a wild wolf in the woods!

[altverse-invertverse]

Meeting + Kitty Bath right after

(I can’t draw backgrounds so I “borrowed” these from pinterest and then put a filter over the first two, to make them to make them look like drawings)

AU/Headcanon yapping for this lol ⬇️

Kallamar and Shamura met in their teenage years, living with eachother as close besties who found some random ass crowns along the way. They both shared a cabin on the border of early-day Anura and Darkwoods (there was no distinction between the areas, both areas were relatively the same). They shared a bed because it was comfortable enough for them, and lived an average life.

Now during his 30’s, Kallamar really wanted to take care of a child, even though he wasn’t as capable to carry one himself(intersex, infertile, AND he was single lmao). Shamura didn’t care for children as much, but wanted to see their best friend happy, just didn’t know how.

One day the two were sitting around and playing knucklebones with eachother, when they heard a knock on the door. Shamura got up to answer the door, looking around before glancing down, seeing a young black cat staring back up at them. Shamura was in a state of confusion at first, asking the kit where he came from, only getting a shrug as a response.

It was only a few seconds, before it clicked to Shamura that this child had been abandoned. With no second thoughts, they knew exactly what to do next, as they gently took the child by the hand to offer them a new home. Walking back into the living room, Kallamar had put away the board and dice, asking Shamura who was at the front door. Shamura replied with a simple “Just look for yourself”, as Kallamar gave them a look of confusion, before spotting the child stepping out from behind Shamura, while holding their hand.

Shamura explained to Kallamar the child’s situation, they brought up the idea of taking in the child, as if he were their younger sibling and such. Kallamar became ecstatic, agreeing to the idea almost immediately while going over to hug Shamura tightly, then greeting the little boy.

However, first things first, the kid smelled like trash(despite looking clean), which called for an “emergency” bath. I won’t go into big detail about the rest of that day, but let’s just say that Kalla and the child, nownamed Narinder, had alot fun getting to know each other.

This is literally “revised” lore I made up in my head for two weeks, finally had motivation to draw a bit of it, I just really like seeing interpretations of Narinder and Kallamar. So I thought instead of the usual sibling battles, they started off with a loving caretaker their adopted child type relationship, only becoming more sibling tied once growing up lol

[ross-hollander]

Hangar feng shui...

...is believed in almost universally. The intersection of soldiers and technology experts breeds a deep atmosphere of superstition. Any luck that can be accrued by hook or crook must be, to offset the unlimited ways that things can go wrong. For instance:

Fire runs on the sun's path, lightning runs on the magnetic poles. On Terra, for instance, that is respectively east-west and north-south. You want neither of these energies trapped in the hangar, so it's best to have either no doors that face either direction- so the hangar has to sit at an angle -or to have two doors facing each other to ensure passage through.

Good-condition 'mechs serve as talismans of abundance or prosperity. You want them in the maintenance niches closest the door. On the other hand, the scrap bin or write-off pile is a fortune sink, and should therefore be neutralized by placing it off-center, preferably in a corner.

Metallic energy strengthens 'mechs and eases the whole of the repair process. Wood saps metal, though, so avoid any wood in the hangar: chairs, crates, anything. The most keen adherents will avoid using paper (it is, after all, an incarnation of wood) in favor of digital tablets for note-taking.

Power tools should be stored disassembled, at risk of losing their will from being ready for use but not at work. They are to be, so to speak, put off-duty when their service for the day is done, and then put back together for use the next.

From the main door, if you're starting with an empty hangar, 'mechs should fill in spots starting from the left side, and only then taking niches on the right. (You solidify the usually weak side first, before you start putting any into port on the right, to achieve a balanced state.)

Fire stations (the emergency hubs with respirators, oxy tanks, hoses and extinguishers) should be spaced along the length of the hangar, right down the center. Vitally, they should be equidistant between the maintenance niches on each side. Fire, after all, is weakening to metal, and since the stations are designed to defeat fire, leaving one 'mech further than another would result in a lopsided defense.

A 'mech must never be bordered on both sides by ones of equal energy, either stellar or nebular. Thus, for instance, a brawler can be bordered on one side by a skirmisher, but should have an ambusher or juggernaut on the other. Failure to regulate this will result in obstructed energy flow, and consequently stubborn or malfuctional 'mechs.

When traversing the hangar, never move straight across from one niche to another, or your path may form an energy barrier. What you want to do is move in a diagonal, like starting from the corner of one slot that's closer to the door, and then ending at the corner of the one across from it that is farther away.

[mieanme]

I had a Hualian brainrot that I wanna turn into a comic in the near future, but I'm hella slow, so bear with me, HOWEVER, here's the idea:

Merman x Siren au

Those who know me - you probably saw that coming.

BUT hear me out!

Xie Lian is a merman (yeah, no shot, no-one expected that), he lives in a huge pod with hierarchy and social roles as hunters, gathers, nursery guardians, etc. He's still an outcast though - he's the only one among countless merpeople in their society that has snow-white scales. He also wasn't born in their pod, he was rescued from an orca attack by two merkids aspiring to become hunters (Feng Xin & Mu Qing) at a very young age, so no-one knew where he really came from.

The Emperor of the pod let him stay though, so how could anyone argue, right?

Years pass, Xie Lian tries to fit in. It's been difficult, but he's not the one to give up, always kind and gentle to fellow mers and creatures of the ocean. He's not allowed near merkids, even if he would love to be a nursery guardian, because others believe he brings misfortune; he didn't manage to become a hunter, because his unusual white tail is visible from ten miles away, not a fit to not alarm the prey at all; no-one wanted to eat or use anything he gathered, because no-one trusted him, so eventually he settled on collecting and discarding trash from the various areas of the pod's territory. This way somehow he's able to contribute to the pod's life and secure his meals.

He lives like that for a good couple of years, until one day at an emergency gathering of the pod, it is announced three mers have caught a strange disease - one that could be cured only by a very specific type of algae. If not provided the medicine, the mers would not only die, but also spread the illness to others.

What's the problem, let's go and grab that algae, right?

The point is, the algae grows only in almost complete darkness, within the depths of oceanic trenches. And the nearest trench falls into the territory of a Siren.

And not just a siren. This siren everyone knows and loves to call all kinds of nicknames, the most popular being: cruel disgusting monster.

Mers always feared sirens, because, on the contrary to the merpeople, they resemble reptiles more than fish or humans. They usually live on their own, gather only for the mating season and even then they often pick fights with each other. Their territories are sometimes equal or almost as big as those of merpeople; how does one even manage to patrol such a huge area?

However, the most terrifying thing about sirens is that they don't hesitate to feed on even their own kin - not to mention humans or mers. Feral beasts, as most merpeople would address them.

This particular siren was even worse. No-one even knows what the monster looks like, because whoever crossed paths with it, hasn't come back alive. It's been expanding its territory for years, slowly swollowing the remaining unclaimed area between its own teritory and that belonging to the pod. Who knew what would happen if they would have to fight to defend their borders? Would they even stand a chance against that beast?

Venturing into its territory was not an option.

But there's no other trench anyone knows of. So, was it a death sentence for the pod?

Not on Xie Lian's watch.

***

Wooohooo, that's it for now, if you wanna know more or you think it's a good idea, lemme know!!

PART II

[vienssunshine]

Distracted Driving

pairing: Yuki Tsukumo x fem!reader nsfw: dom!Yuki wc: 1.9k author's note: I skimmed a motorcycle tutorial for this description: Yuki convinces you to ride her bike and rewards you for your bravery

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Yuki says, holding out her spare helmet.

You’re floored she would even suggest the idea. “I’ve only ridden on your motorcycle, what makes you think I can drive it?”

“You’ll be a natural,” she urges, pushing the helmet into your arms, “and this is the perfect place to try it out.” She gestures to the abandoned dirt lot you’re standing in; it doesn’t have much to crash into. The only other thing out here is the road lined with glowing streetlights heading back to a city you passed around fifty miles back, a distance like that meaning an ambulance would take forever to arrive if you had an accident. You can’t even get started about wait times in emergency rooms.

“You said we were coming out here to go stargazing, not to see how fast I can kill us both by crashing your bike.”

Yuki laughs and steps closer. “It’s cute when you get all worked up over nothing.” She presses a kiss to your flushed cheek. “What if I give you a reward for your bravery?”

“It’s not bravery, it’s stupidity,” you respond. This is a bad idea, no doubt about it. You have trouble driving a car, which has four wheels, a motorcycle only has two. It’s like making the jump between rollerskating and rollerblading, but with the potential of much more severe consequences. Your eyes flick back up to Yuki—she’s dressed in her stupid, dangerous, sexy motorcycle jacket and goggles—and see her watching you with a tilted head and smirk. She’s been your girlfriend long enough to know that curiosity is tugging at you and isn’t surprised when you look away and ask, “But…what is the reward?”

Yuki turns, walking back to her propped-up bike. “Only one way to find out.”

She’s such a tease. What’s more frustrating is how it works so well on you.

You huff, strapping the helmet on. “All right.” It can’t be that bad, can it?

It is indeed bad when you’re on the thing, the angry engine rumbling beneath you and the exhaust spitting out fumes of gray smoke. The glare of the headlights just barely scares off the darkness of the night so you can see the dirt a few feet in front of you. If Yuki’s arms weren’t wrapped around your waist, you would’ve been off the motorcycle in a second.

Your fingers tighten around the handlebars. “This is a terrible idea.”

“You’re gonna do great,” Yuki purrs in your ear, sending a tingle down your spine. Or is this death machine activating your fight-or-flight response? Either way, you readjust yourself in the seat.

“Okay, whatever, how do I even do this?”

One of her arms loosens from your waist and she lays her hand on top of yours on the right handlebar. Her riding gloves leave her fingers uncovered, so you’re able to feel her skin as well as the rough leather coating her palm. “This is the throttle, and you twist it toward you to move forward.” With Yuki leaning forward to demonstrate the mechanics of the handlebars, her chest is pressed against your back. Her motorcycle jacket would muffle the sensation if it wasn’t unzipped like it is now, so you can feel the plushness of her breasts on your shoulder blades as she’s describing another lever on the bike. “…is the brake. Got it, angel?”

“Um, yeah…yeah I got it.” Doesn’t seem that hard, just a few twists and levers. Maybe it is possible you’ll survive this ordeal.

“Okay, I’ll just–” You twist the right handlebar toward you and the bike kicks up and starts rolling forward.

Yuki laughs, “Attagirl! Look at you go!”

You laugh a little too, not because you’re amused, but because you’re in disbelief that you’re moving the thing and haven’t blown up yet.

Still cautious, you turn the throttle slightly further, bringing the speed of the motorcycle up past the pace of a casual walk. And when you steer the bike into a gentle turn at the border of the dirt patch, you find it easier to control than you expected. Soon you’re successfully circling the lot while Yuki cheers you on. As impossible as it first seemed, you’re actually doing it, you’re driving her motorcycle.

“That’s my girl,” Yuki says. You want to turn and show her the smile her encouragement brings to your face, but you’re not comfortable driving without looking straight ahead yet.

“This is kinda fun,” you say, still leaving room to change your opinion in case of the terrible crash that your nerves are convinced will happen.

“You’re so good at it,” Yuki responds, giving your waist a small squeeze with her arms.

These kind of situations are why you like dating Yuki so much, she knows how to pull you out of your comfort zone, help you grow and try new things. Despite your anxiety, every experience she’s helped you through, though usually miserable whilst occurring, has been rewarding after pushing through it. It’s how you feel now, you’re proud of yourself for doing something that scared you.

You’re about to express your gratitude when her hands unclasp themselves from around your waist and travel up your torso. Your brows furrow, but you’re able to focus on the upcoming turn until her fingers splay out on your breasts, squeezing and kneading them.

You look down to the gloved hands on your chest. “Yuki, what…what are you doing?” The motorcycle lurches to the side and you snap your eyes back up to the dirt ahead of you, scrambling to re-center the bike until it steadies. The close call leaves your heart pounding and breath short, but Yuki is unaffected.

“It’s your reward, silly.” Her fingers pinch your nipple through your shirt and you gasp. “For being so brave.”

“What?” you whisper. You can’t make sense of this. Heat burns through your body and you’re not sure if it’s from her touch or your panic. This has to stop. Where did she say the brake is? You can’t remember.

“If you keep doing this”—she nuzzles her chin onto your shoulder and nibbles at your ear—“we are going to crash. This is literally distracted driving.” You steer through another turn, having a much harder time with it than your first attempt. With her touching you like this, if you make the smallest mistake, like hitting a rock or going into a turn too fast, you’ll both get sent flying.

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuki coos, “I’ll make sure nothing happens. Just enjoy the ride, m’kay?”

“This–this is crazy, you know that?” A sharp exhale leaves your lips when Yuki moves from your ear to your neck, opening her warm mouth to lick and suck on your pulse. You shift in the seat of the motorcycle, trying to keep your attention on the land ahead while Yuki’s every movement is pulling it away.

“Fuck, don’t–” Her hands are moving downward, unbuttoning your pants and traveling underneath your underwear. Surely you’ll crash if she touches you there.

“You’re doing great, angel. Just keep those pretty eyes on the road.” You whine her name and she gently sinks her teeth into your neck, her arm slinking around your waist as other her hand descends to your heat. “Thought you’d be too nervous to be this wet,” Yuki breathes against your skin, hungry. The bike wobbles.

She slides her fingers through your folds and your vision blurs, the glow of the headlights melting into the dark of the night until you blink and refocus your eyes.

“Yuki–shit–I’m–”

You’re driving. You need to tell her to stop, but you can’t get the words out, you don’t know if you want to. Even if you think this is bad, idiotic, truly a one-way ticket to the hospital, the excitement flooding your core, swirling and churning deep inside you, is impossible to reason with. Any tension or tightness in your abdomen is softened with the swipes of her elegant fingers. You’re helpless when she’s making you feel this good.

It’s hard to keep your attention on the road, but you’re still trying, so you don’t notice how your hips angle themselves forward so she’s able to start circling your clit. You also don’t notice how your tightening grip on the handlebars—your body unable to bear the pleasure spreading out within you—causes the motorcycle to pick up speed, now traveling at the pace someone could pedal a bicycle at. The wind whisks your moan away into the night and the muscle memory built in the first few minutes of riding takes over to help you steer.

“I want…more,” you say, grinding your hips against her hand.

“Gotta focus on driving, angel,” she responds.

“I–fuck–I know, it just–feels so–”

“Uh huh?” Yuki skims her teeth over the heated skin of your neck.

“It feels so…good…when you touch me,” you say, and she kisses you. You try to keep your eyes from fluttering closed as she continues to swirl her fingers around you, tending to the pressure pushing up against your insides. It’s interesting how you’re being built up to an orgasm so much faster than normal. Splitting your attention between an activity like driving while pleasure is sailing through you wipes out any of those thoughts you have that take you out of the moment—how your body looks, whether Yuki likes what you’re doing, if you’re being sexy enough. In this moment, you’re out of your head, able to feel her touch without insecurity marring the sensation. Maybe Yuki knew this would happen. She knows you well.

You moan her name, doubling over. You shoot your head back up immediately, keeping your eyes on the road even though your legs are attempting to press together, trying to shut out the pleasure overwhelming your body, though the tangled metal of Yuki’s motorcycle keeps them apart and you susceptible. The bike rocks again.

“Yuki–I can’t–I can’t take anymore,” you plead, “I can’t focus.”

“I’ve got you,” she says, her hand stroking your waist. Her skilled fingers pick up to the pace she knows you like when you’re close.

“Fuck,” you gasp.

“It’s okay,” Yuki tells you, “Just let go.”

So you do. The rope holding you together snaps as strings of pleasure whip through your poor body. Any consequences of releasing yourself, thoughts of crashing, dying, long ambulance wait, it’s all washed away; you even let go of the handlebars. The motorcycle bucks for a second, but Yuki wrangles it with her free hand, holding onto the handlebar as you cum all over the hand working at your clit.

You grab onto her forearm, clamping down on it as pleasure rolls over you, making it hard to realize how reckless letting go of the handlebars of the motorcycle you were driving is. You don’t really care though, with this feeling washing through your body, you don’t care about the bike, your stupidity, or anything that doesn’t relate to the motorcyclist behind you who’s slowing her strokes and cooing in your ear as the last muscle spasms of your orgasm calm.

Yuki takes her hand from your pants and is unfazed by the wetness coating it when she reaches it forward and to the lever sitting underneath the right handlebar. She pulls on it and the bike slows to a stop. So that’s where the brake is. The realization makes you laugh a weak, fucked-out laugh.

She kicks out the bike stand and you unfurl from your hunched form and sit back so you’re leaning against her chest.

“That was insane,” you heave out, “and stupid and dangerous, and…”

“…and?” There’s a grin in her voice.

A hazy warmth settles over you. You pull her arms into your lap, running your fingers over her gloves palms.

“Thanks, I guess,” you say.

She knows you mean more than just for the orgasm, she knows you appreciate how she pushes you from your comfort zone and helps you try new things. Even if those new things are reckless and crazy.

Yuki leans to your side and presses a kiss to your cheek. “You’re welcome.”

[streets-in-paradise]

Secret Presents

Relationships: (platonic) Faramir x Sister!Reader, (platonic) Boromir x Sister!Reader.

Genre: family fic, sibling bonds, fluff, birthday fic.

Warnings: Denthor's terrible parenting, use of she/her pronoums. I am not sure if birthdays are culturally accurate for gondorians, but since in lotr we saw at least one hobbit birthday let's pretend they also could have birthday customs for the sake of this.

Summary: Boromir and Faramir surprise their sister on the morning of her birthday filling her with affection while furtively bringing her different sorts of gifts their father wouldn't approve.

Note: (Late) birthday gift for my bestie @beautifultypewriter, also inspired in her gondor girl concept. I hope the fluff will be good enough to compensate the delay <3

She didn't expected anyone to remember, there were allways more important things going on in such convoluted times.

Completely absent from her father's thoughts, only her brothers could possibly think about it. During the occassions in which Denethor do cared to celebrate her, he was always actually celebrating himself. Birthday parties that were generic social events for the nobiity, occassions for him to show off his might in decline and pretend for the public that he could resemble a father.

If he could possibly be thinking on doing something, she would rather hide far away from it for as long as possible. The only good reason the Steward of Gondor could have to remember that he had a daughter were the men arround him making the recall. He would only use it as an excuse to push yet even more insufferable nobles in her direction.

Feeling the call of the servant announcing her waking time that morning made her groan of frustration, wanting it to be over before it ever began. She emerged from the covers only caring to make sure to be in a visible state before opening the door, trying hard to remember not to share her mood with the servantfolk through terrible manners.

What she found instead were her two brothers hidding their presence on the usual call, ready to join forces as soon as they will find her. Their happy faces said it all, and she almost regretted her grumpyness.

" What are you doing here? "

To a gestural sign of Faramir, Boromir went ahead to lift her up from the ground. Almost like a father would do for his child, only with tons of chuckling in between.

" HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR SISTER!!"

In a matter of instants she was smiling again while being carried back inside her bedroom.

" Are you insane? What is this? "

Faramir calmed his own laughter to explain.

" Your birthday surprise! I bet you thought we would forget. "

She was perfectly aware of how strongly they loved her, but war kept them always bussy and she was perfectly ready to forgive them if that was the case.

" Orcs are constantly pushing the limits of our borders, of course you could forget! "

" But we would never. " Boromir cheerfully insisted, releasing her on her bed. " Have we ever failed you? "

She giggled and nodded negatively.

" ... Then why did you seem so upset looking at us from you doorframe ? " Faramir inquired. " It think somone really needs to get their spirits lifted. "

With a mischievous look he approached for a strong hug ending only when he sneaked one hand to her already known ticklish point. Her loud laughing comforted them all, so Boromir encouraged Faramir to keep going untill she started fighting back and the situation could escalate into an actual tickle fight unleashed right in front of the servants.

She was red from laughing and playfully smacked them in return, when her eldest brother gave premission for the maidservant to enter. She was carrying a curiously long chest with the help of one lad and presented it to the lady by command before retiring.

" See, if we would have waited untill you would come down for breakfast, we wouldn't be able to bring your presents. " Faramir continued. " These are of the kind our father will not wish to see. "

A sparkle of excitement lighted her eyes.

" Certainly not fitting for a lady, by his expressed opinion. " Boromir added. " He would be very dissapointed of me if he would find out I'm letting Faramir present you with this."

" Not as much as when he will see what you got her. " He commented in response. " ... And yours can't be hidden easily, as one can do with mine. "

Curiosity was growing with each of their teasing recalls and she rushed to open the mysterious casket used to hide such secret present from the world untill reaching her.

It revealed a bow, perfectly new and with its matching quiver following the style of the one that was her brother's favorite.

" Nurturing your passions is important to me, and being honest i'm slightly jealous you have gained more practice with Boromir's weapon of choice. "

He was joking and she could perfectly tell. Her brothers never had to compete for her love the way their father intended them to.

Here eyes were roaming the weapon with increasing surprise, then inmediately directed to look at her brother with the happiest adoration.

" It's perfect!! Just, ... perfect!! Beloved brother, I would love to practice with you. " She thanked, hugging him from up front and practically jumping from the joy. " I can't wait to try it!! "

" We will tell father is an harp." Faramir joked, sharing her excitement. " I doubt he would ever ask you to play music for him, so he will never discover it."

You chuckled together seeing that Boromir was allowing you the mean spirited commentary.

" My gift will also work as a distractive strategy: he will never get a moment to wonder about anything else. "

She questioned Faramir with her glance, but he provided no clues.

" Boromir ... what have you exactly done?? "

Their eldest brother began to chuckle, assuming the mysterious guilt for some possibly memorable mischief.

" Come down with us and you will find out. "

She smiled and quickly followed the instruction, begging them to leave her proper space to at least dress decently before being publicly perceived for the first time in the day. Neither of her brothers wanted to miss what was about to come, so they awaited outside only to find themselves going after her later because excitement made her run her way down.

Hardly catching his breath, Boromir indicated her to go outside. Her cluelessness made her even more desperate for finding the surprise, but she inmediately stumbled with it once the final instruction was correctly followed.

A magnificent horse, one that she never recalled to have seen before.

" It was almost impossible to import, but your dear brother planned things with time and sent clever merchants on the quest for it. " Boromir recalled, pridefully. " They wouldn't have sold this easily for a mighty lord of the city, but couldn't refuse when told it would dissapoint a young lady. "

She looked at him in disbelief, unsure of the guess she was about to make.

" No,no, no ... There is no way. You couldn't ... "

" Send men to Rohan despite the uncertain danger it implies just to get you a horse? " Faramir followed, finishing her sentence in a wondering tone. " Don't worry, your present also worked as harmless excuse to obtain trustable testimonies about the state of our old allies. Something we have been wanting to find out for a long time, but father kept refusing to investigate. "

The clarification amused her more than the explanation itself.

" You are unbelievable!! How are we going to hide this? "

Boromir wasn't troubled by her very logical reasoning.

" We won't, and I will assume all guilt. Wait to see how fast he will find a reason to excuse me. "

He made her laugh through that lighthearted mock of his unwanted privilege, aspect he manipulated in contructive ways when it could bring a side benefict to his siblings.

Looking at her smiling brothers awaiting her final verdict made her feel the luckiest girl in Middle Earth.

" I have the best brothers in the world. "

[babydollmarauders]

for the baby el au, what if one day (when el is much older like 4-5 years old) el breaks her foot or some bone and is crying and jack and mama and literally everyone else get really really worried

it came to no surprise to me that Jack had El on the ice as soon as she was 3 years old. Jack and his brothers had officially deemed her old enough that summer and took her to the indoor ice rink in Michigan at least twice a week. by the end of the summer, my daughter was skating circles around me.

and the following summer, at 4 years old, she was learning the family business; how to play hockey.

we’ve been to the indoor ice rink enough times this summer that i’ve learned the best thing to do is sit on the sidelines while my husband and his brothers do the teaching. so twice a week, at the least, i come to the rink equipped with a book, my camera, and snacks.

“alright, c’mon El-Bell! grandma is expecting us home for dinner soon!” Jack’s words echo throughout the practice rink, but it’s not a surprise when two seconds later the word “no!” is replacing his own.

El is most definitely a Hughes. ever since last summer, she’s lived and breathed being on the ice. she never wants to leave, never wants to stop skating. she’s just like her father.

“El, you gotta listen to your dad. if he tells you it’s time to go, then we gotta go.” Luke tries to help, but his attempt makes no difference to his niece.

“no!” her high pitched voice bounces throughout the mostly empty rink, everyone else having gone back to their homes already. i watch from my spot off the ice as my daughter starts to skate away from her uncle as fast as she could.

“El, baby! slow down! i don’t want you to get h-” i trail off as she trips over air, her body twisting as she lands on the ice.

her scream pierces my ears, making me jump to my feet. Jack, Quinn, and Luke all rush over to her as i run to the ice, stepping on without skates and shuffling as fast as i could over to her.

“shit, i think her arm is broken.” Quinn confirms my worst fear as i finally reach them.

“daddy! it hurts! make it stop!” tears roll down her cheeks, her face red from her sobs. my own tears well in my eyes at the sight of my baby in pain.

“i know, princess. i’m sorry. i know.” Jack appears calm, but his fidgety demeanor and the pain in his eyes lets me know that this is affecting him just as much as it is me.

“okay, daddy’s gonna carry you to the car and we’re gonna go to the doctors, okay?” i run my hand over her hair as i speak. El nods through her sobs as Jack slides his arms underneath her and picks her up, careful of her injured arm.

i let out shaky breaths, my heart pounding on the way to the emergency room.

“what if they don’t think it’s an accident?” i whisper to Jack. Quinn drives the car with Luke in the passengers seat as Jack and i sit in the back with El between us.

“what?” Jack asks, his head snapping over to look at me in my frenzied state.

“what if they don’t believe us and they call child protective services or something? what if she gets taken away from us? we didn’t do anything wrong!” my breathing picks up, bordering hyperventilation as my mind races with ways that this could go wrong.

“baby, between us three boys, we’ve probably broken hundreds of bones, and that never once happened with us. i promise you, it’s a first time ER trip, we were right there watching her, they’re not gonna think anything other than what it was… an accident.”

Jack’s hand slips into my shaky one, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand in soothing circles.

“mommy.” at the sound of her voice, i look down at El. “do you think i’ll get a cast like Lilah?”

i let out a weak chuckle at her bravery through this, and at the mention of her friend from the playground, who had a hot pink cast on her right arm.

“you might, baby.” i confess with a sigh.

“that’s so cool! uncle moosey can write his name on it! i like his name.”

[tsvwords]

They tell me I’m in shock. No. 

First they tell me I’ve caused an international incident. Then they tell me I’m in shock.

This comes after:

some eight months of negotiating,

a temporary Peninsulan holding cell which begins to feel increasingly permanent over time,

a lawyer from my own country who holds his finger to his lips as if to indicate that our private interview room is not private,

a considerable amount of furious shouting,

assertions from Peninsulan policemen, policewomen and policepeople that I will never see my homeland again, and I should just come clean about my plot to destroy the town of Bellwethers with two servants of an illicit faith (and by the way, if it transpired that the Conclave of the Consolidated Linger Straits had funded or in any way enabled said plot, that would be useful information that would make things go a lot easier for me),

a final, frenzied agreement between nations,

a car to the border,

a hurried exchange,

and another holding cell on the CLS side of the border, with different flags hung over the supervising sergeant’s desk.

I’m interviewed by two detectives from the Nesh municipal force, as well as someone who introduces herself as a political attache and leans sourly against the corner of the cell when everyone else is talking.

You can see them frowning as they scribble on their notepads, trying to construct some, any kind of coherent narrative out of what I’m telling them.

Over time, they seem to acknowledge that I am probably not a covert member of the Parish of Tide and Flesh, but they continue to probe at me all the same, looking for other angles: what am I holding back from them? There has to be more to it than this, surely? Some final secret, some last revelation that makes sense of all this?

Eventually, they give up on me, and this is when the doctors come to run their tests, see if I’ve been brutalised or tortured in any way that could make for effective political capital.

And I begin to understand that there’s another, contradictory narrative emerging: that I’m in shock, a victim of horrific circumstance, and in some undefinable, whispered sense...a hero.

After all, nobody has forgotten the atrocities committed by the Peninsula in the last war. The disasters that transpire, year after year, when their gods go astray. The polluted islands, even now, that stand between our coastlines, a monument to their recklessness and callous disregard for our citizens.

It seems pretty clear to all concerned that Bellwethers was caused by one of their own experiments, and now they’re casting about for blame, trying to stir up trouble against us.

One of the doctors takes great care in smiling at me and squeezing my hand as he leaves. 

“I’m just glad we got you out of there in one piece,” he says.

And soon after that, the forms are signed, the doors open, and I stumble back out…home.

— Chapter 18: If My Hands Could Shape The Flow.

[heejayy]

Shuri U. || Liar

Warning • swearing, suggestive

Genre • lil angst, fluff

Pairing • Shuri x black Fem! Reader

Word Count: 1.4K

A/n: no this isn’t a toxic Shuri fic I’m not good at writing those so don’t get ur hopes up 😭 also I think i broke my tumblr 🫤

You lay on your bed completely heartbroken. Shuri promised you months ago she’d clear her schedule for a full weekend to come visit you on your birthday, but where is she no where to be seen.

[2 hours ago]

“Sooo” you giggled giddily “you still coming for my birthday?” You smile wider knowing the answer.

“Uh about that usana…I can’t make it, there was an emergency outside of the borders with traffickers and they need me.” Well that wasn’t the answer you were hoping to hear.

“Oh- well are they alright?” You asked sadly but still concerned for their wellbeing.

“They will be. We’ve tracked down the hostages and we will rescue them tonight”

“Well I know you’ll get them home safely, but still I want you to stay safe-“

“Ok sthandwa i have to go love you.”

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

You woke up exhausted feeling like absolute shit, your eyes were red and swollen and your head ached from crying yourself to sleep but hey it’s not a birthday if you don’t cry at least once.

You checked your phone noticing you slept in late- really late. Your eyes flickered to the date reminding you it was your birthday, the big two-one. You wish you were more excited but you weren’t. You were going to cut class and work to hang out with Shuri but oh wait she wasn’t here.

You lazily put together a decent outfit for the day and finished your morning routine even though it was evening time.

As your mind was preoccupied with other things you walked right out of your dorm room down the hall completely missing Riri.

“Damn I was gonna tell you happy birthday but you act like you didn’t even see me” startled you shook your head turning around.

“Ah shit my bad my mind was elsewhere” she frowned, you guessed she knew.

“Yeah she told me she wasn’t gonna make it I’m sorry boo” you waved her off sighing.

“It’s ‘ight” she nodded taking a second to observe your outfit.

“The fuck are you wearing? It’s your birthday not a damn funeral” she said wearing a disgusted look as she stared at you. You frowned looking down at your outfit, you had on black flared leggings, a black long sleeve shirt with red and black vans.

“What I’m just going to class?!” You whined slightly offended. I might as well try to make it to my last class you thought.

“What the hell?! CLASS?! Y/n we’re going out…like now so go change” she spun you around by your shoulders pushing you to your dorm room.

“But what’s the point of going out? My plans are ruined” you sulked stomping down trying to stop her.

“Just because your lover girl isn’t here” she spoke between grunts trying to get you to budge “doesn’t mean you’re having a shitty birthday. No ma’am not on my watch.”

“Ooh yup I like this one- oh yes this one and…oh that’ll look absolutely amazing together!” You sat on the floor picking at your fur rug watching Riri put together your birthday outfit. As much as you appreciated this you still couldn’t bring yourself to celebrate without your girl.

“Come on y/n/n stand up get ready we don’t have all day!” She yanked you up by your arm throwing a bunch of clothes you forgot you had into your arms.

“Ok so I paired that white body con mini dress you had with that beige coat along with those white thigh high boots… oh my-“ she took a pause placing her hand on her chest pretending to cry “you’re gonna look so fucking good” You rolled your eyes slightly laughing at her being dramatic. As you watched her wonder around your room looking for other accessories a concerning thought popped into your head.

“Ri how’d you even get into this building- wait let alone this campus there are no visitors allowed?” she peered at you puckering her lips.

“I might’ve hacked the security system- but it was only to see my favorite girl for her birthday don’t judge me” She rolled her eyes turning back around to finish finding accessories.

While Riri was in her own little world singing, you stared out the window watching all the street lights blends together.

“Oh my god are you gonna wear that long face all night? Y/n cheer up you’re twenty one you’re finally allowed to drink!” You shook her head at her liveliness.

“I don’t drink” your comment was met with a drawn out ‘Lame’ from her.

She swerved into the parking lot behind a moving line of cars out of curiosity your peered out the window reading the bright lit sign.

“Nobu?! NOBU?! Riri we’re two broke college students you think we can afford Nobu?” She rolled her eyes “just get out” You huffed following her lead as she gave her keys to the valet.

She strutted up to the lady behind the reservation desk “excuse me we’re with Ms. Udaku” the hostess nodded smiling “right this way ma’am”

You followed behind them thinking you’ve lost your entire mind, did she say Udaku? Like Shuri Udaku? My Shuri?!

Your questions were quickly answered when you came to a secluded area of the restaurant, and there waited Shuri sitting with a smirk in her face.

“Surprise!” Riri grinned giving you a big hug, you were so out of it you barely hugged her back.

“Wha- I- Shuri!” Shuri’s smiled grew wider as she stood to greet you. “Sthandwa you’d think I’d truly miss your birthday?” She brought you into a tight loving hug. You missed her hugs, so warm, they felt like home. You wrapped your arms around her loving the feeling of being in her arms again. As she pulled away you caught a scent of her perfume, god you could sniff her all day. She smelled like heaven.

“You know I absolutely hate you guys I can’t believe you lied to me” they both shrugged giggling evilly.

“I can’t lie though Shuri, it was hard I almost gave in a few times I mean she was just so hurt” Shuri pouted at Riri’s confession.

“Awe my usana” Shuri cooed pecking your lips, that peck turned into a full kiss and then Shuri found her hand creeping up your thigh.

“Well that’s my cue love birds, I’ll see you at the hotel we can gift give there. Also thanks for the dinner Shuri” Riri said scurrying away before Shuri could say you’re welcome. You giggled watching her leave, but Shuri gently grabbed your chin bringing your attention back to her.

“Don’t look at other women you’ll make me jealous” she gazed at you with sultry eyes as her thumb grazed your bottom lip. You rolled your eyes not even bothering to fight back a flustered smile.

“Don’t think you’re in my good graces cutie, your sweet words and this tennis bracelet isn’t gonna cut it” you said referring to the gift she gave you when you first arrived. Although you couldn’t lie it was beautiful, it was a vine tennis bracelet from Tiffany and Co. and you were positive it costs a pretty penny.

Shuri tilted her head fake pouting “maybe this’ll make up for it?” you felt her place her slide closer up your thigh, the more it crept closer to your heat the wetter you became. You could feel it soaking through your thin panties you wore. “God you look so sexy tonight” she whispered near your ear sending chills down your back. You haven’t seen her in so long you almost forgot how her touch affected you. As your lips were inches apart, you could feel her breath hitting yours and the more you leaned in the more she pulled away. What a tease.

“Would you like dessert to go?” You snatched back looking up at the waitress. She wore a small smirk holding a tray as she piled your dishes on. You blinked rapidly feeling your entire body heat up with embarrassment, damn you forgot where your were.

“Yes please” Shuri calmly answered as if nothing happened. The waitress gave a smile nodding “I won’t take too long.” She winked leaving.

“Oh I so hate you” you muttered still flustered from her.

She chuckled “No you don’t.”

Shuri Masterlist

©heejayy 2023 — any reposts outside of tumblr or translations of my works are strictly prohibited unless granted permission 🤍

Borders- @firefly-graphics

[pearlcatcher-problems]

a few finished projects that I've been vibing with a lot! and their bonus lore rambles under the cut to keep things a little more trim ; w;

» the wives [ Padparadscha | Bunanuhnanuh ]

antique jaguar ᛜ ginger breakup ᛜ terracotta koi bronze piebald ᛜ white basic ᛜ terracotta koi

» the twins [ Naberius | custard ]

stone piebald ᛜ white basic ᛜ spruce koi tarnish pharaoh ᛜ white basic ᛜ brown basic

» acolyte goblin ambassador [ moss ]

white basic ᛜ obsidian paint ᛜ hickory koi

I swear I'm normal about naming dragons-- I'll have serious names alongside dumb meme ones and treat them equally as seriously as characters. I swear, it makes sense in my lair. I promise.

» the wives [ Padparadscha | Bunanuhnanuh ]

Pad and Bun are wives, with Bun being the elegant airhead and Pad being the gruff behemoth. Pad is near twice Bun's size and tends to be more protective/defensive than the wildclaw is. Her pearl tends to stay with Bun when not in her pearl pouch, who keeps it in one of her silk scarves padded with dry moss and lavender sprigs.

The two of them are residing in the Bazaar, currently travelling between there and the Oasis to finalise some trade agreements before the encampments decide to make proper paths between them. While Bun is more than happy to keep the conversation for the two of them, Pad is just.... always listening. The pearlcatcher beast somehow always seems to know what is going on and can quickly get the answer to the most obscure questions if given enough time to think. This includes knowledge from any of their other outposts, somehow able to just.... know. ( Behind the scenes, she's actually a fraction of a hydra, and despite them being split, they are still able to communicate telepathically with each other, resulting in easy relay of information between allied outposts nearly instantly but the only one who controls/knows of this is Quail. )

Bun used to be part of the Roost outpost, which is why her namesake is so strange compared to the desert-dwellers. She's kept her name, although able to change it any time given how Roost customs are, and finds some joy in how hers and Pad's mirror each other in length. Those close to her may call her Bun or Bana, although Pad tends to call her Sprig, Sweetbean, and other soft little nicknames. When relaxing, Pad often gnaws on Bun's horns when cuddling to keep her tusks in check, something Bun doesn't mind as her horns constantly grow regardless.

» the twins [ Naberius | custard ]

The youngest of the Acolytes ( a subterranean clan that only emerges for three weeks a year and spends the rest of the year worshiping the Solstice trio I / II / III and tunnelling. More Info on them is heeeeeere! ) They have the same affliction post-hatchling that ogi and his younger sibling do, where they just haven't progressed further physically or mentally. They have a lot of inherent volatile magics because of what they are, but they can't always act on it in the way they want due to whatever is stunting them. This leaves the two a little hard to predict, scrapping as often as they'd play, all while leaving arcs of fulgurite along the tunnels from their warring elements.

They are often underfoot, eager to help tunnelling efforts and harvesting lichen, but are easy to tire out and will just nap wherever they run out of energy. It's not uncommon to find both of them blocking a tunnel because they need a quick powernap. Good luck moving them.

Naberius and custard's energy came from an old elemental, also named Naberius, who decayed on the Acolyte border after leaving the bounds of the Oasis. The two spawned from his fall and have many of his powers, but with the stunt and divide between them, it is just a grain of what it used to be. Sezha knew what they grew from, and decided to keep Naberius' name for one as a way to honour his fall, while casket was allowed to name the other, resulting in the mock-roost name: custard.

» acolyte goblin ambassador [ moss ]

Moss is the 'ambassador' for the Acolytes when they're out of the ground, or when dealing with people who come to 'trade' ( drop gifts and supplies, they don't actually want anything from the Acolytes in exchange and are just encouraged to do so by Quail and repaid for it in other ways ) at the outposts' entrance during their submerged seasons. She loves the idea of bartering and making a trade, only really knowing how trade works from her few visits to the Oasis grounds and seeing the elementals make pacts.

When trading, she wears The Hat. The hat is a combination of a few hats she's traded for over the years, worn around the edges and lovingly cared for. She often puts feathers, gemstones, or dried flowers tucked into the brim for flair, and will outright refuse to accept offers from other outposts if she can't get her claws on her hat at that time. All business MUST be done with the hat.

When not being Very Important, she spends most of her time tunnelling and setting up the lighting system in the deeper section of the lair. The Acolytes currently use a lighting method that leeches off the ley lines beneath them, giving them an easy method to track the health of the flow of magic and know when their worship is required. These free-floating orbs can be placed at any area of the lair as long as they're still connected to the earth, and so often will be rooted to the walls with vining plants from handsome's farm.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 5 thoughts

boy. where this episode started out and where this episode ended were two VASTLY different spaces. come along while i undergo this journey.

the first thing we see is a dog! a doggy! it's a border collie, and it looks like it could be the same one we see in s1 episode 8- maybe dog actors are in short supply! but border collies are famously very smart and to me the cutest of all dogs, so i was pleased to see a friendly face <3

and then things escalated. aliens arrived to fetch the dog's owner.

thankfully they left the dog alone- perhaps they saw the threatening "ALIENS, STAY AWAY FROM THAT DOG" i had written in my notes- but whatever they are inflicting upon this gentleman seems. unpleasant.

(the aliens are obviously terrifying but they're always shown vaguely wiggling in some cold white light and it does make me laugh. ohhhh here they come. the wigglers)

so in the morning our gentleman- duane- was taken to a correctional facility and he hasn't been taking his meds... and then he hurts his doctor! they always find the kindest looking people to play doctors on this show and then make them suffer

THE NEXT THING WE SEE IS: a pool? the pool scene i wrote about seeing a while ago in my last post! the one where mulder emerges mostly naked from his exercise to face this new guy who looks like he covers his beer stench with a designer cologne!

i rewound to see whose pool it was mulder was swimming in but gained no clues. would be sick if the FBI had an in house pool.

breaking news: this SOAKING WET MAN is called to a HOSTAGE SITUATION!

(i do find it endearing that he swims recreationally <3)

next thing i wrote was "alex is pissing me off" and i don't even remember what he did but i stand by it

so mulder is at the scene, duane has four hostages, and claims to be abducted by aliens. now to mulder it makes perfect sense to ask about his abduction experience, and he's trying to do his homework and follow the rules for hostage negotiation, but duane knows all the tricks because he's former FBI which they DID NOT TELL MULDER!

he walks up to the head of the hostage situation and very angrily asks if she knows about how aliens will take your brains out and fuck with your ovaries and she tries not to laugh at him. mulder tell me what they do to ovaries i'll listen. i'll take notes.

and then alex is trying to be all sickly sweet puppy dog boy and asks if he can do anything to help. so the head of the hostage situation tells him to get her a coffee. HA! POINT AT HIM AND LAUGH.

cutscene to SCULLY CAM!!!! <3 she's gonna sleuth for his medical records

ohhh the power went out and duane started blasting. he shot someone so they're gonna send mulder and another guy in (an excuse for mulder to wear a paramedic uniform.......)

mulder's like nooo i won't tell him i believe in aliens (<- said by a man who is lying)

and off to the races, can you imagine it, he does JUST that, says he believes duane and trades himself for the guy who was shot... he says it happened to his sister OHHHHHHH sister mention

he's got the guy monologuing about his tortures from the aliens and honestly, these aliens are bitches. there is NO reason to do all of this. drilling holes in his teeth??? that's fucked

alex is on the phone with scully who is freaking tf out because duane is lying about who he says he is... when he tells her he traded himself for the injured hostage she says "WHAT!" so loudly and is filled with intense urgency

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! his sister was 8 when they took her

(for some reason i thought she was 10 when it happened, but the larger age gap between them explains a lot in terms of his instinctive level of Protectiveness towards all creatures big and small)

this next part had me GAGGED: SCULLY FLEW IN FROM WASHINGTON!!!! she is AT THE SCENE and she is YELLING at someone who isn't listening to her

alex made a VERY FATAL mistake in telling her to "calm down" while mulder is a HOSTAGE and she RIGHTFULLY told him off (and frankly she could have kept going and i wouldn't have complained) but she's a woman who gets things done so she finds someone who will actually listen to her

she says he has a very unique case of being shot in a specific part of the brain which happened to another guy before and then that guy became a pathological liar so she is basically saying "duane is the nastiest skank bitch i have ever met do NOT trust him"

so back to the scene. duane is saying the government is there while the aliens do all this. which i have no idea how to interpret so i'm just storing it here for later use.

SCULLY CAN HEAR HIM! she's on his secret wire mic and talking to him. duane can hear her a little bit but is going on about "the mountains"... it was at this point, with scully talking in mulder's ear, that everything was so tense i had a brief moment where i remembered that this is actually a tv show i'm watching in my free time and not an actual life or death thing

mulder convinces duane to let the women go and the younger one says she believes him which had to be impactful i'd think

but the snipers are closing in!!! mulder sees the line of fire on him and calls him over to get him out of the way so he won't get shot....

he asks duane if she was lying to distract him and now he's VERY VERY VERY ANGRY and he tries to calm him back down and say hey... you forgot to lock the door.... please go lock the door...

and he goes over to the door and bam. duane's shot.

we see scully and mulder watch as he's loaded into the ambulance and mulder looks deeply conflicted and once again has his sad wet eyes on because he still believes duane was telling the truth. scully tells mulder he did the right thing in getting him to go to the door, because we all know by now that mulder has a complicated set of feelings towards any loss of life.

"whatever you're feeling, you did the right thing" <- augh. scully loves him so much. oh to love anyone how truly and deeply scully loves this man

(shhhh i'm not getting into what kind of love it is. i don't know and whatever your answer for its flavor is, you cannot deny that she loves him. that she tries to find the exact words he wants to hear to soothe that internal Guilt he wears like a heavy jacket.)

later he smiles when the lead hostage negotiator calls him to thank him because he broke all of her rules and thought he was going to get yelled at LMAOOO that lil smile was very sweet

and he goes to see duane but the REAL reason she called him in was to tell him about the metal they extracted from duane's body... the doctors claim that the stuff in his teeth could not have been made from any current technology... alien life confirmed??

((i thought the episode would end here on a little cliffhanger that never gets resolved but boy. i was off))

no, instead of an episode's conclusion, we see mulder bring the metal pieces to scully, who once again has the most beautiful freckles in the world, and she says she'll take it down to be analyzed.

mulder leaves the room without saying a word which i thought to be cold in the moment and now that i'm typing this knowing what happens next i might actually cry.

she goes to the store and she's buying some stuff... we see kodak film in the background... sigh instant cameras i love you and your work... but she buys $11 of groceries and then sneaks the metal chip across the barcode reader and it makes the whole thing break down!!!!

the poor cashier is freaking out because the machine is going wild and she looks at scully like "did you touch it?" and she says no and awkwardly leaves LMAOOOOOOO i was howling because girl idk wtf i would have done in that situtation either

duane wakes up to more aliens and rips all his medical stuff off and runs like he didn't get shot very recently and he's on the prowl for something

scully's back at her place, calling mulder, telling him about how the barcode scanned, and she's really worked up about the whole thing, when she hears a rustle, but it's just a thunderstorm...

but she goes to the window and DUANE IS THERE!!! a look of horror passes over her face, and we hear her through mulder's answering machine, screaming for help while he takes her

(everything happened SO quickly, it transpired in my notes like this: WHAT!!! he's outside her window WHAT THE FUCK TO BE CONTINUED??)

yes. we get a "TO BE CONTINUED" on the outtro scene.

i sat there, baffled for a few moments, trying to process what i just saw.

but then i thought i noticed something else: her place looked different than it did in s1. at least, i thought it did- we didn't see it much, but perhaps she got fed up with folks showing up like eugene tooms did in s1 and bought a nicer space. i thought the old space was cute though, and maybe it really is the same space but from a different angle, but then i thought about how it looked like mulder's space also changed from s1, so maybe they both moved, or maybe i'm just not good at noticing things, but oh yeah, scully's in virigina now since she's at the academy, so she probably DID move, although i thought the drive from DC to virigina was doable, but maybe not?

none of this changes the fact that scully has been TAKEN.

(i won't lie, i knew this was going to happen at some point, because i read the s2 episode descriptions and saw something about her being "returned", which implies being taken in the first place. but still. it was very abrupt. they had thoroughly lulled me into expecting a vague sort of non-answer of an ending and then switched out the formula at just the right time so i never grew suspicious)

to be continued!!! this is soooo evil, especially because i don't have time to watch the next episode tomorrow. so i'm gonna walk around all day tomorrow at important work events thinking about what horrors scully must be enduring and get NO conclusion as to what they might be. duane i have fists and you are not real and i am small but i am unafraid to bludgeon you. stay away from her if you even LOOK at her ohhhh you're gonna learn a lot more than what it feels like when aliens take out ur brain just keep that in mind!

(and man. i'm sitting here typing. thinking about how mulder never said a real goodbye to her the last time they spoke. and i wonder if that's gonna haunt him. and i wonder if when he gets her back, he always always always makes sure to take the time for a goodbye. just on the off chance it might really be the last one. fuck.)

[mixtape-racha]

it's a scream, baby! | hyunlix

chapter nine: i'll be right back!

words: 1.79k // warnings: minor character death referenced, police presence, basically just lots of panic, main characters smoking a cigarette

OFFICIAL GHOSTFACE KILL COUNT: 005

 

(y/n) awoke with a start, someone hammering on her bedroom door like crazy. she rubbed her eyes, groggy from a lack of sleep, and an ache in her lower body from hers and felix’s late night activities. he had gone back to his own bed after, which (y/n) had pleaded with him to do because she couldn’t deal with the backlash from everyone else just yet.

“what?!” she called, annoyed at the interruption from her finally peaceful sleep. the door swung open, and minho walked in - a coffee in his hand, and his phone unlocked in the other.

“you need to get up, love. the principal called an emergency assembly in the auditorium in an hour… i think they found another body last night.”

(y/n)’s body went cold, her heart thumping in her chest. not again. at least she knew it wasn’t anyone in her dorm, everyone was home last night and minho would have said if anyone was missing.

he gently placed the coffee on her bedside table, a hand coming to rub her head affectionately.

“drink that and shower, yeah? once everyone’s up i’m going to make breakfast and we can all head down there together… you okay?” of course, minho noticed everything. he could tell from a mile away when she was going to cry, or scream, or throw up.

she just nodded softly, taking a sip of the coffee he had provided her - it was perfect, as usual.

“i’m good, min. just want this all to be over.” she sighed, her reassurance making him feel better about leaving her to get herself ready for the day.

although she probably shouldn’t have, (y/n) took her time showering - she gave herself time in the hot water to reflect on the past week, and ponder on what the future might hold. she hoped this emergency assembly wasn’t because of another murder, but deep down she knew there was no other reason for the university to be all up in arms like this. 

after showering, she threw on one of chan’s old sweatshirts that his mom had kindly given her - distributing various items he owned between the people he held dearest - as well as jeongin’s favorite necklace (which she was given for the same reason, and rarely took off unless to shower). paired with some sweatpants and crusty, old sneakers, she knew she looked a mess but was too far gone too really care.

when she finally left her room half an hour after minho first came in, she knew she’d have to rush to eat in order to get to the assembly on time, but she couldn’t avoid eating until once she was back in fear of worrying the boys.

and minho hadn’t lied when he said he’d make breakfast for everyone - toast, sliced fruit, even more coffee in a jug was sitting on the kitchen table - she happily took a seat between hyunjin and felix to join the foodfest, smiling at seungmin across the table to appease his worried expression.

breakfast, surprisingly, went absolutely fine that morning. it was the first time since losing chan and jeongin that things had felt relatively bordering on normal. while a huge part of her heart was missing, (y/n) felt an overwhelming comfort in being surrounded by her boys, even though such awful circumstances lead to it.

slowly, the group of seven made their way onto the main campus, finding huge crowds of people lingering outside the auditorium. when everyone began slowly filing in, the group were quick to make sure they could be seated together. (y/n) was carefully seated between minho and felix, seungmin on minho’s other side and the remaining three seated directly in front of the others.

the hall was filled with hushed voices, all discussing what they think happened, who they think the newest victim was. in a way, the morbid curiosity was bringing the community together. (y/n) tired to tune out every mention of the last two victims - hearing chan and jeongin’s names falling out of people’s mouths so easily made her feel a bit nauseous. it was only when the principal made his way to the podium in the center of the stage that the room went silent.

“good morning, students and faculty alike. as i’m sure you can imagine, we have been working hard and tirelessly behind the scenes to avoid keeping our students safe while they are living on our campus. we pride ourselves on being the quietest campus in this region of the country, and our students safety will always be our top priority.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes at that, not really believing a word the principal said - really, he just cared about his reputation and sponsor donations to keep the sports community running.

“however, with a heavy heart, we have to tell you that the invisible attacker has claimed the life of a sixth student of the woodsboro college. our hearts go out to the family and friends of lee jinyoung, who spent the past two years serving as our student council president.”

it was then a few gasps rang out across the auditorium. lee jinyoung was such a bright and kind person, one (y/n) had come across many times while working on the winter ball’s planning committee last year. the principal went onto explaining that jinyoung’s parents had given his permission to share some details - like how his body had been found in an alleyway just a minute away from the dorm block (y/n) lived in.  it was scarily close.

“we, as a staff, and also in compatibility with the local police force, have decided we can provide only a few solutions. all classes have been suspended until further notice. we will also be giving students the opportunity to choose between staying in their dormitories, or moving home or off campus, as in approximately four hours the campus will be put on full lockdown.

the police have kindly provided many officers to act as security around campus, and anyone leaving their dorm buildings after lockdown has begun will be escorted wherever they need to go. there will be a member of staff waiting in the lobby of each dormitory building when you return so you can confirm whether you will be staying, or leaving campus until we reopen. thank you.”

it felt like the entire auditorium was in shock, so silent you could hear a pin drop. no one knew what to say, how to act. the group of seven didn’t speak a word to one another until they’d left the auditorium and were congregated outside their dorm building. the stress was far too much, and (y/n) cursed as she dropped her lighter from her pocket.

she just needed a cigarette to calm her nerves, but even that couldn’t go right. changbin picked it up, lighting the tip of her roll-up for her with a soft smile.

“mind if it two’s it? i left my tin at the dorm.” (y/n) shook her head, handing the paper to changbin after she took a drag. they made small talk over the smoke, seungmin butting in to join or pinch a small drag once, but it was nice to have some one-on-one time with changbin while the others were discussing what the hell they should do.

it was only when they joined back into the circle, (y/n) tucking herself under jisung’s arm that changbin chimed in on the subject at hand.

“i mean… my parents are on a business trip until next friday, we can always go crash at mine? its more space than the dorms, and less restrictions on what we’re allowed to do.” he shrugged.

“well, to a certain extent,” minho added, side eyeing (y/n) carefully. “we still need to be cautious and sensible.”

the rest of the group ended up agreeing; planning to go back up to the dorm and pack whatever they needed before carpooling the changbin’s parents home the other side of town. it was a large house, but far enough on the outskirts of town to not have to worry about being caught in the middle. they could take a trip to the next town over to do their food shopping and for some air, and hopefully that would cover all bases they needed to worry about.

as they all headed in, and upstairs to begin their packing process, minho stayed a second to discuss their plans with the staff member waiting in the lobby. when he finally made it up to the dorm, he gathered everyone’s attention to clear up some things.

“okay, so obviously we need to be out of here in the next 3 hours at max, but thats plenty of time. we’re allowed to keep hold of our keys, and we don’t have to take all of our stuff. just enough to last us until they close up for summer, or reopen if that happens beforehand. changbin - you’re going to take jisung, (y/n) and felix in your car, and i’m going to take seungmin and hyunjin in mine. your car is bigger so it makes sense to put most people with you.”

everyone agreed, minho naturally filling the position as the dad of the group. he had a presence that commanded respect, and it was a quality (y/n) appreciated massively. she didn’t know what they’d do if they lost him too, it would be like a group of lost puppies without an owner left to fend for themselves.

they quickly began packing up anything they thought they might need, each restricting themselves to a suitcase and a duffle bag (maybe a backpack too, if necessary). it only took them all around an hour, going further to offer food to the students staying on campus that they had no need for when they’d be at changbin’s.

once they’d all figured everything out that they needed to in the dorms - turning off the boiler, making sure all the plugs were switched off - they headed to fill the cars up. (y/n) tried to make herself feel better by telling herself to see it as a vacation, but it was difficult. the police finding the case so cryptic, so confusing, with no obvious motive, that the entire had to go into lockdown.

and the drive to changbin’s was quiet. jisung had called shotgun, so (y/n) and felix were sat in the back, hands gently intertwined as a show of support for one another - felix was very sensitive, and (y/n) could tell he was finding it harder than everyone else.

when they pulled into the driveway as his massive family home, changbin just hoped they were out the way enough to escape the madness taking place in town.

taglist: join taglist here @pretty-racha @chubbyanarkiss @queen-klarissa @queenfelix @taeriffic @mits-vi @myeg1993 @lemontead @peachessandhoney @chanssmiles @changbinisabigboy @5kayzee @skz-streamer @iweirdthingsblog @sinforsuccubus @bunniie0325 @torixx80 @fawnpeaks @bangtanmix73 @savluvsmingi @boi-bi-ahaha @moondustmemories @4evrglow @marrivmel @littlepotatooooo @selxmeow @carpioassists @demetrisscarf

[bell-arina271]

Living Spaces for Artists: Interest Survey

Hello tumblr, my name is Arina, and I have considered for several years now creating a living space in the US for artists and creatives alike just starting out on their respective journeys. My idea was to purchase a large house and rent out rooms for incredibly cheap, so that the struggling artist would have a means to live on their own while they focus on their career. In my search for a starter house for myself, I stumbled across two properties that would help me realize this dream even sooner than I realized. However, as with all things, nothing is perfect, and there are a few caveats. The first is that both properties are in the northern United States, which means hot summers and harsh and cold winters. The second is that one is located far from metropolitan areas, and are mostly surrounded by small towns. It would not be impossible to find a regular job in these areas, but may require a commute.

Both properties are in need of renovations. There are several rooms that are structurally sound, which I would be willing to rent out in the case of emergency, but for the most part the buildings would not be available until at least mid-next year.

For both properties, I would rent the rooms out at $200/month, and yes that would include utilities. You would be allowed up to two people per room, and two pets per room. Property descriptions below the cut.

The first property is located in Wisconsin, near the Great Lakes and the Canadian border. From the looks of it, this was a caretaker home for the elderly, and as such has handicap access and multiple entrances. My idea was to rent out the top floor to residents, and then airbnb the bottom floor rooms. From what I’ve been told this area is high in tourism for outdoor activities and the like, so I may even be able to make an arrangement to have a few people have free room and board in exchange for maintaining the rooms, or cooking or cleaning up after guests. (This is a rough work in progress idea.)

As you can see, most rooms still need renovations, but several rooms can be considered move-in ready.

Has a large functional kitchen, and walk-in cooler, which would allow multiple people to use it at once, or hypothetically, sustain a semi-hotel set up.

Several bathrooms are functional and in working order, but would need to be shared. There is one bathroom for every two rooms, and I would need to decide whether to convert a couple bedrooms into bathrooms to accommodate everyone, but at the moment, consider these like dorms where you have to share bathrooms.

And that’s it for the first property! Onto the next one:

This next property is located in Chariton Iowa, about an hour south of Des Moines. Finding a job here wouldn’t be too difficult, though it would require a bit of a commute.

As far as I can tell the whole building is in need of renovations, so this wouldn’t be move-in ready until next year. I would also need to convert a couple rooms into bathrooms, because having 4 bathrooms between 15 rooms isn’t feasible for many people.

And that just about sums it up! This post is for me to see if anyone else is even interested in my idea, but if no one bites, then I will likely buy these properties to convert them into a bed and breakfast/motel type situation.

Or, if people buy these properties before me, I’ll find a smaller property to start small with my idea.

So, that being said:

If you’d like to be updated on the progress of whichever project/endeavor I end up taking, go ahead and follow this blog.

And if you can, please reblog this, or tell anyone you think might need this, so I can see if there are any interested parties. Thank you <3

[taffywabbit]

For an embarrassingly long time, I thought radfem arguments were based in "maybe there's some valid points about feminism in here somewhere but they're directing their energy towards the wrong things and the wrong people". It wasn't until new talking points about trans people started emerging and seeing popular radfem bloggers completely contradict earlier feminist arguments they've made in order to further spread vitriol about trans women that I realized "Oh. The feminism was *never* the point."

yep, pretty much. for me it always comes back to how every definition terfs produce for what a "woman" is immediately excludes a ton of people besides the ones they're TRYING to exclude (trans people), and their attempts to further narrow that definition end up just sorta undoing all the prior progress made by feminist movements in the past as they inevitably start drawing barriers around the EXACT rigid binary societal roles they think a woman should conform to.

terfs are so desperate to shut out trans women and avoid relating to them in any way (and also trans men, but only if you remind them they exist so they can remember to be dismissive and condescending about them) that they have to double and triple down on the idea that MEN AND WOMEN ARE TWO CLEAR AND DISTINCT GROUPS WITH ZERO SIMILARITIES OR OVERLAP EVER and it's just.... deeply childish? it's fucking embarrassing how quickly the facade of progressivism and equality falls to the wayside as soon as they're confronted with someone they think is subhuman. some of them honestly sound like they're only a step or two away from "women should bear and raise children and cook and clean and never do anything that could be perceived as manly, lest they blur the lines between genders and allow the devil into their homes" and it would border on comedic if only their proposed solution to that "problem" wasn't violence. the pretense of actual feminism has been all but abandoned by radfems at this point. it is a limp corpse being paraded around as a shield for hatred

[something-tofightfor]

Everybody’s Waiting For The Next Surprise: This Is Halloween

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (JTGTBG)

Word Count: 15,426

Summary: In the days leading up to Halloween, you spend time with Tommy, and learn a little more about his - and Joel's - pasts. When the night of the party arrives, you find it a little easier than you expected to let yourself get caught up in the celebration ... and so does Joel.

Rating: NSFW. Lots of smut, but also lots of canon-typical TLOU content and discussion.

Warnings: This story contains spoilers for TLOU season 1 and TLOU Part 1, but doesn’t get into anything from the second game.

Author’s Note: This is very long, and I know that means a longer time requirement from readers. I would apologize, but I'm not *actually* sorry. I love writing for these characters, and am so happy to share this.

Takes place in the JTGTBG universe between Help Me Get Away From Myself and Your Eyes Outshine The Town.

Thank you for reading!

Song Suggestion: “This Is Halloween” by the cast of The Nightmare Before Christmas

Catch up with Part 1 here

You were only riding twenty or so miles out from Jackson, the winding expanse of Highway 22 taking you straight to the Idaho / Wyoming border, but the patrol with Tommy was uneventful the entire way west. 

It was a route that you’d patrolled countless times before. With Tommy, the miles went by quickly, the late-fall sunshine warm on your backs, despite the chilly air. Two decades after the outbreak, fewer people came to Jackson, so the route was patrolled less - and was more overgrown than it had been the first times you’d traveled it. 

And because it was one of the longer routes, each patrol took more time - and that meant almost two full days with Tommy. You saw no sign of infection and no sign of humans the entire first day, the two of you guiding your horses at a leisurely pace down the road as you traded stories. 

It had always been easy between the two of you. The man showed up in Jackson a few years after you with hope written on his face despite the haunted look in his eyes. You’d taken to him immediately - charmed by his accent and the personality that continued to develop as the days passed, the man he’d been before the outbreak emerging little by little.  

He’d been proof that even after years of horror - living on the road and in QZs and dealing with the Fireflies and FEDRA directly - there was a chance for normalcy … and you’d been thrilled to get to see it for yourself. 

For brief moments, some of Jackson had assumed that you and Tommy would end up together because of the amount of time you spent in each other’s company, but you’d never looked at him the way they’d all assumed. 

He’d simply made you feel safe in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, especially since you knew some of the things that he and his brother had done to survive. You’d never judged him for it, though. Everyone had done things they weren’t proud of, and once Tommy had realized that you weren’t going to think less of him for surviving, it was like a switch flipped.

In the years that had passed, you’d only grown to care for him more - the man and Maria as close to family as you’d thought you’d ever come to having again. And that made patrolling with him almost fun. There was no question about whether or not you had each other’s backs, or that you’d know how to react if the situation called for it. And it guaranteed quality conversation throughout the trips you took. Just like this one.

As the day went on, and you got closer to the border, your conversation switched from talk about Jackson to other things. I need to get ahead of him asking me about Joel. “So why’d you switch, Tommy? You were scheduled for the Cache Creek patrol later this weekend.” 

Turning his head to look at you, Tommy’s reply came moments later. “This is the last time this season we’ll be able to find ‘em.” Find… what? “Don’t give me that look, you know what I’m talkin’ about.” 

You didn’t - racking your brain to figure out what he meant. There’s no houses. There isn’t anything out here to find. “Tommy?” 

“You’ll see.” He pointed ahead of you at one of the turn offs for the old hiking trails. “Right over there.” What is he talking about?  But when he guided his horse off the main road, leading her into a small copse of trees and then dismounting, you weren’t far behind. “I wanted to come out here with you because it’s the end of mushroom season, and I knew I could convince you to fuck off for a couple hours and hunt for ‘em.” 

“You’re joking.” He looked up at you, shaking his head. “We’re all the way out here for Mushrooms? How do you even know where -”

“You think it’s a coincidence that we’ve always got a shit ton of fresh mushrooms after the autumn Teton Pass patrol?” Tommy rolled his eyes. “It’s not.” 

“Is it safe to leave the horses?” You trusted him - but not asking questions was a recipe for disaster that you knew all too well. “To wander away from them and into the woods?”

“You’re with me. Of course it’s safe.” He raised a brow, grinning. “And if I let anything happen to you, my brother would fuckin’ murder me with his bare hands, so…” Well that escalated quickly.

“It’s not that serious, Tommy.” You forced the words out, rubbing one hand over your cheek. “We’re still getting to know each other, it’s just …”

“Keep tellin’ yourself that, sweetheart. Maybe someday I’ll believe it.” He tossed you a mesh bag. “You know what to look for?”

“It’s been a long time, but yeah.” Nodding, you continued. “And I assume you’d let me know if I tried to grab something that would kill someone, so… yes. I think I can do it.” 

“Alright. We’ll head out in that direction.” He pointed, using his chin for emphasis. “First spot is about fifteen minutes into the trees.” 

Neither of you spoke as you headed deeper into the forest, the sound of birds and the underbrush beneath your feet the only noises you heard. It was peaceful - the sun shining through the branches and illuminating patches of ground, Tommy walking beside you - and for a few minutes, you let yourself forget what the situation actually was. 

It was dangerous to do that - and you knew it - but from time to time, you couldn’t help it. “That big rock over there’s a landmark.” Tommy nudged you with his elbow. “That’s where we need to go. It’s nice to be lookin’ for these damn things instead of them chasing after us.” 

You changed directions while laughing, heading for the boulder, and only moments later you saw the first sign of mushrooms - tons of them sticking out from various points on fallen, dead tree trunks that surrounded it. “Jackpot, Tommy.” 

— 

Later that night, the two of you made camp just off the side of the highway. You set a tent up to block the wind, but neither of you were inside it. The sky was starlit, and though there was no fire burning, you were warm, a thick blanket wrapped around your shoulders 

“Would be the perfect night if we had some coffee.” Tommy crossed his legs at the ankle, his back propped up on a tree stump. “Reminds me of all the nights we’d have bonfires back home after football games.” 

“I’ve heard stories about you and those days, Tommy.” Yawning, you shrugged your shoulders, pulling the blanket tighter. “How many different women did you take to those bonfires?” 

“That asshole.” Tommy laughed, though, running a hand through his hair. “Wasn’t that many. More’n him, but …” He sighed. “Bet you had your fair share of boyfriends and bonfires, too.” 

“I had a few.” You smiled at the memory, turning your head to look at him. “Fall was always my favorite season. I still like it, but it’s always kind of bittersweet, you know?”

“It was still hot as shit in Texas that day.” Tommy closed his eyes. “Hard to believe it’s been so long.” 

In most cases, people tried not to talk about the outbreak and immediate aftermath. But with Tommy, neither of you were shy about mentioning it - especially since the journeys that you’d taken in the months that followed were similar in so many ways. “Wasn’t it always hot as shit in Texas?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He rubbed at his chin, nodding. “Used to complain about it all the damn time.” Of course you did. “Especially since me an’ Joel were always workin’ outside in it.” 

“You know, I’m kind of surprised that you two didn’t just … dress like construction workers for Halloween.” It slipped out - your mind still on the discussion that you and Joel had had after carving your pumpkins - but to your surprise, Tommy only laughed, scooting closer. 

“We did once. Jeans and boots and sleeveless shirts that we had Sarah drag around in the yard with her bike. Joel strapped a tool belt around his waist, and I had one of those reflective vests on.” 

“Let me guess.” Sitting up straight, you eyed him. “You guys went home that night with a stack of phone numbers, and Joel didn’t call a single one of them.”

“No.” Tommy’s smile widened. “I didn’t call a single one of them, because I knew they just wanted me for my hammer, and -”

“Oh, fuck off.” Shoving him with one hand, you rolled your eyes, despite the fact that you didn’t even know if he could see it. “The two of you were trouble, weren’t you.”

“Still are. Just … in a different way.” Tommy sighed. “A lot of different ways, actually.” He pulled his blanket tighter around himself and drew his lower lip back between his teeth. “Saw those pumpkins you all carved. Not the pictures, the actual pumpkins. Can’t believe he actually did one.” 

“It was a surprise to me, too… and it was his idea. He brought the third one home himself.”

“Did he tell you about Halloween with Sarah? About her and her costumes? About -”

“He did. He actually talked a lot about her that night, but most of it was just to me. After Ellie went to bed, we talked about … before.”

“He was a real good dad.” Tommy nodded to himself, taking and holding a deep breath. “Not just at Halloween.” 

“Heard you were a really good uncle, too, so it must have run in the family.” Tommy was quiet for a long time after that, and just when you’d started to think that he wasn’t going to continue the conversation, he spoke up again. 

“These last couple months? With you and Ellie? It’s the closest thing to Joel I’ve seen since 2013. Whatever you’re doing… please keep doin’ it.” He turned to face you, quietly speaking your name. “We’ve been through a lot of shit, and I don’t like rememberin’ a lot of what we had to do to get here, but it’s real good to have my brother back.” 

There was nothing that you could have said that would have been enough, and so you did the only thing you could think of - and dropped your blanket to wrap your arms around Tommy, hugging him as tightly as you could. I’m sure it is. 

— 

You made it back to town the following day with four bags full of mushrooms - and two smaller ones that you and Tommy had put aside for yourselves. You offered to drop them off at the main community center after you’d stabled the horses, letting Tommy go home sooner. Penny was out for the day - thankfully - and once you’d said goodbye to the younger Miller brother and made your delivery, you headed straight home. 

You wanted to go to Joel’s - wanted to end the night with his arms around you while you fell into a deep sleep - but you needed a hot shower, and that wasn’t possible at his house. 

So you’d clicked the radio twice on the channel you used with him to let him know that you’d made it back and then headed home, savoring the feel of the water as it warmed your skin and washed the dust from the road away. 

But the entire time you were under the water, he - and the conversations that you’d had with him and Tommy over the previous few days - played back in your mind. We’ve all lost so much.

The following day was an off one for you, and you had nothing planned until the party that night. So you did something that you rarely allowed yourself to do when you were alone and slept in, the blankets pulled tight around your body and the breeze from the open window filling your apartment with fresh, chilly air. 

And when you finally left your place that day, Jackson was bustling with activity, though much of it was preparation for that night. You dropped off a batch of mini muffins and two loaves of pumpkin bread, staying to talk with two of the people decorating the inside of the main hall for a few minutes about their plans for that night. 

It was the end of the conversation that got the wheels turning in your head, one of the men leaning against the wall and eyeing you. “Are you dressing up this year? Max said some of the other adults have come to the storage building to look through all of the extras.” 

“I didn’t plan on it.” I really didn’t. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you sighed. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “There was a pirate costume and I grabbed it. It’s stupid but dressing up for a couple hours is … it helps.” It does. You smiled, telling him that you couldn’t wait to see it that night - but then you headed out, stepping back onto the street. 

It wouldn’t hurt anything to head to the storage facility. It wouldn’t even take you long to look through what was available. And maybe … Tapping on your lips with your fingertips, you narrowed your eyes. Maybe I can even make Joel smile. 

That was the only thing you needed to think, and five minutes later, you were walking into the former school building that housed all of Jackson’s “extras”, a large smile still on your face. 

— 

The fall festival was held inside of the community center and on the land that surrounded it. Tables were set up for snacks and drinks, the remaining pumpkins scattered around the space for decorative purposes before they’d be smashed and given to the animals or roasted for use by the other residents in the following days.

You saw Maria as soon as you got to the open space, the woman wearing a long black dress that was cinched at the waist, a pointed hat perched atop her head. It was one of her usual costumes, and when the sunlight caught the buckle on her hat, the metal glinting brightly, you grinned. But where’s Tommy? 

She waved you over, the woman’s eyes widening and her smile growing, and by the time you were beside her, she was laughing, both hands settled on your arms. “You haven’t dressed up in years, what -”

“I thought it would be fun.” Shrugging, you glanced down. “It’s just a cloak and -” 

“Oh, bullshit. You’re trying to impress someone.” She rolled her eyes. “They had that in storage?”

“Yeah. You’d be surprised at what’s still in there if you look through it all. Reminds me of going thrifting.” Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out the final piece of your costume, holding it up in the air. “Even managed to find these.” She laughed, squeezing your arm before she dropped her hands. 

“My husband is running late, and I haven’t seen Joel or Ellie yet, either.” She sighed, lifting a hand to wave at someone behind you. “I know Tommy will be here, and I hope the other two come, too.” 

“I could see Ellie here before Joel. And if she was at the school today, there’s no way she missed this setup.” It was somewhat juvenile - lots of witches and bats, a few carved pumpkins and more plastic ones placed around the space, dried out cornstalks tied to the lampposts and building pillars … but it made the area feel like it was Halloween, as did the sight of children running and playing, most of them in costume. 

You even saw some of the older kids hanging out. Dina and Jessie were both wearing their regular clothes with masks perched atop their heads, and Cat was with them, the girl living up to her namesake with whiskers drawn on her cheeks and the tip of her nose painted black. 

It was a nice break in routine - and aside from the holiday celebration in December and the mid-summer party that was held each year, it was the largest gathering in Jackson. And the most fun, honestly. “Oh, shit.” 

Maria’s next words interrupted your thoughts, and at the sound of them - and the sight of her jaw dropping, you froze. “Maria? What -”

“Turn around.” 

You had no idea what to expect, and as you spun slowly to look behind you, your heart slammed against your ribs. She’s not running. She’s not screaming. No one else is either, so it can’t be … At the sight that greeted you, your heartbeat quickened for an entirely different reason, your lips parting in shock. “You’re fucking joking.” 

But it wasn’t as joke, and as the three of them got closer, your shock turned into delight, one hand rising to cover your mouth. 

It wasn’t any one of them - it was the three of them together that got to you, your eyes filling with tears that you knew weren’t hidden. I don’t want to hide them, though. I just … “Hey, ‘Ria, does my ass look big in these pants?” Tommy stopped a few feet away, putting a hand on his hip as he turned to the side. “Joel said it did.”

“Hell yeah it does, Tommy.” Maria pushed past you, closing the distance between herself and her husband in only a few steps. “But I won’t complain.” He grinned, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her into a deep kiss, but your attention was entirely on Joel and Ellie, the girl standing awkwardly next to the man, who was clearly uncomfortable. 

“No base layer pants for you, Joel?” Arching a brow, you wrinkled your nose. “Gonna let Tommy steal the -”

“I sure as shit am.” Joel actually laughed at you, raising one arm to scratch at the back of his neck. “Ain’t no way in hell I’m squeezin’ into a pair of those and runnin’ around where other people can see me.”

“And everyone thanks you for it.” Ellie spoke up, and you turned your head away from Joel to look at her, watching as she rubbed a thumb over the whistle that she wore around her neck. “Also like … surprise, we’re here, and we’re dressed like …” Gesturing to herself, she shrugged. “This.” 

“I told you, Ellie, you’re a referee. Means you’re supposed to watch me an’ Tommy and make sure we follow all the rules.” Joel elbowed her, head shaking back and forth. “And I still think you shoulda been blowin’ that damn whistle at him about those pants, so -”

“No, she shouldn’t have.” Maria was next to Tommy, the man’s arm around her shoulders. “Fuck I forgot how much I love Halloween.” Her eyes were bright and her smile was broad, and you had a feeling that she and Tommy wouldn’t be sticking around long enough to hassle you and Joel about public indecency. For once. “And how much I miss football Sundays.” 

“It’s not the Longhorns, but it’ll do.” Tommy spoke up then, eyes on Joel. “For a couple hours anyway.” 

“Can I take a picture of the three of you?” You pulled your camera from beneath your cape, holding it up. “It’ll be better than taking individual shots.” Ellie nodded eagerly, and when Tommy had extricated himself from his wife’s hold, moving back to stand next to Joel, you turned the camera on and held it up, smiling as you pressed the shutter. “Thank you.” 

It was a perfect shot of them - Tommy’s arm around Joel’s shoulders, one of Joel’s hands settled on his hip and Ellie standing between them, the whistle between her lips and both hands on her hips. God, that’s a good one. 

“You’re good, Ellie.” Lowering the camera and then hanging the strap back over your shoulder, you nodded. “Thank you.” She blew the whistle once and then broke away from where you stood, bee-lining it for the other teenagers. Good for her. “And as for you two, you -”

“I’m going to go and make out with my wife.” Tommy winked at you and then moved back to Maria’s side, linking their fingers together. “You two behave. Or don’t.” 

They were gone moments later, leaving you and Joel standing in front of the community center and facing each other. 

You really looked at him for the first time - the man’s upper body encased in a white football jersey with brown and yellow accents, the tanned skin of his upper chest and forearms on full display. Unlike Tommy, who was wearing stretchy pants, Joel had opted for a pair of dark, loose fitting ones, though he was wearing a pair of sneakers instead of his boots. 

“If you had asked me whether or not I thought you were going to show up tonight, there’s absolutely no way I’d have guessed it would be looking like that, Joel.” Cautiously stepping closer, you took a deep breath. “Where the hell did you find a football jersey?”

“There was a whole box of ‘em in that storehouse. And when I asked Tommy if there was anything like this in there, he was real quick to come with me.” Joel shrugged. “This was one of our “go to” costumes when we were younger. One of us was always playin’ touch football when we were kids, and then as adults, we always had jerseys in the closet. It’s low effort but it’s … a costume.” 

You let your mind wander for a few seconds - picturing yourself, a couple drinks in and watching Joel and Tommy walk into a bar dressed like football players. I would have lost my mind. “Not many men look good in that shade of yellow, Joel… but you and Tommy pull it off. And Ellie as the ref was perfect.” 

“Yeah?” He cracked a smile, reaching out to take your hand. “As long as you think so.” I do. “And I see that you decided to wear a costume, too. This have anything to do with that conversation we had the other night?”

“Maybe.” You reached into your pocket and pulled what you’d shown Maria out, winking at Joel before you popped them into your mouth. “Or maybe I justh wanted to show you my true thelf.”

“Oh, the fangs.” Joel groaned, pulling you closer. “Hope those haven’t been passed down between people that wanted to wear a costume.” You bared them at him and then stuck your tongue out, focused on Joel’s face as he looked you over, hunger in his eyes. “But I meant it the other night.” He leaned closer, mouth hovering over your ear. “Those teeth are really doin’ it for me.” 

You lost it laughing at that, closing your eyes and leaning in to press your forehead against his shoulder, Joel’s arms wrapping around you to hold you close. You liked seeing the carefree side of Joel, even though it only appeared infrequently. And you knew that being around people in the Halloween environment was likely difficult for him, but he seemed to be making the most of it… and so you decided to, too. 

Taking the teeth out and putting them back into your pocket, you cleared your throat. I forgot how uncomfortable those are. “We should go inside, Joel. There’s hot apple cider, and donuts and …” Pulling away so that you could meet his eyes, you hummed. “And I’m sure half of Jackson’s population will want to ogle the shit out of you in that jersey, so I don’t want to deprive them of the opportunity.” 

He groaned. But instead of replying, Joel moved to kiss you, one large hand tilting your chin into position. It was a brief kiss, but it was still a shock to you - the new status of your relationship something that the two of you were still navigating through. Neither of you were into PDA, but it seemed like you couldn’t help it sometimes; stealing kisses or touches whenever possible - even if only to let the other know you were there. But I’ll never complain. 

“Let’s get this shit over with.” He sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “You said there’s donuts?” 

— 

A couple hours later, everyone was inside and getting settled into seats that were facing the big screen at the front of the room. You’d moved through the space, taking photos and talking to people throughout the night, and even though you hadn’t been joined at the hip, Joel had never been more than a few feet away. 

Part of it was that the space was smaller, and with a lot of people inside, it was cramped. But you knew that another, larger reason for his proximity was that of all of Jackson’s residents, he felt the most connected with you, Ellie, Tommy and Maria. But Ellie’s been busy all night, you reminded yourself as you watched her, the girl included in a huddle with a group of Jackson’s teens. And Tommy and Maria … well. 

It wasn’t a surprise that they were side by side all night, because it had been that way for most of the time the man had been in Jackson. But their behavior that night was out of the ordinary, the couple acting like lovestruck college students - and even reappearing from one of the back hallways after a few minutes, Tommy’s curly hair disheveled and Maria’s smirk huge. 

A few more minutes of looking around clued you in on exactly why Tommy’s behavior had changed so rapidly and totally: Joel’s presence.

Even with you, Joel was reserved at times, pulling back when he felt like things were getting to be too much. He was guarded - and rightfully so - with you and Ellie. But one look at him with Tommy, and it was like getting a glimpse into the distant past, back to a time when things had been much simpler and they’d been able to just be brothers, not survival partners. It was still cold between them at times, but that night wasn’t one of them, and while you sipped from a mug of hot apple cider, you watched the Miller brothers, a smile tugging at your lips. 

“Would we have stood a chance with them before?” Maria stepped next to you, tilting her head to the side and resting it against your shoulder. “Tommy by himself is one thing, but the two of them together? Shit, that’s a sight.” 

“I really don’t know, Maria.” Taking your eyes off of Joel, you turned your body toward your friend, raising your mug. “But we do now, so if there’s any bright spot in the last twenty years of hell…” She winced but then nodded in agreement, clinking the edge of her cup to yours. “What’s that saying? Everything’s better when it’s from Texas?” 

“It’s actually “everything’s bigger in Texas”, but I’ll let that one slide.” Tommy moved to stand behind Maria, one arm curling around her waist. “Even though it’s true, and I’m sure you both could -”

You covered your face with the hand not holding your drink, and at the sound of Maria and Tommy’s laughter, you turned away, groaning. “Movie starts in fifteen. Make sure you get popcorn.” Assuring Maria you would, you glanced around the room, finding Joel deep in conversation with a group of men that you knew he’d been working on a construction project with. I’ll find Ellie. I haven’t talked to her in a little while. 

But the girl was settled at a table with her friends, five of them playing a card game that you didn’t want to interrupt. Maybe I’ll just go outside before the movie starts. 

You did that, pulling the cape tighter around your shoulders as you looked up at the starlit sky, your breath visible as you exhaled. Maria’s question was one that you asked yourself often, and even though your self esteem wasn’t that low, you didn’t think that the answer would have worked out in your favor. Just because of - 

The sound of your name startled you from your thoughts, and when you turned toward it, you barely held back your wince. “Penny? I’m really not in the mood to argue.”

“Neither am I. I wanted to apologize.” She was wearing a leather jacket and jeans, her hands stuffed into the pockets. “For a few things, actually. But mostly for … the other day.” What the fuck is happening? You were confused, cocking your head to the side and stepping closer. “You were right. I took it out on Ellie, and that’s really shitty of me.” 

“It was. And I’m glad you’re admitting it, but …” How is this an apology? “It worked out. Joel got his own, and Ellie got to -”

“I’m also sorry for the way I’ve treated you for the last few months.” She looked away, shaking her head and then met your eyes again. “There’s no reason for it. I knew what the deal was when Joel and I slept together, and I just … refused to accept it.” Oh? Well this is a surprise. “He was miserable back then, and I just wanted to…” I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to know anything about them. “He’s better now. With you?” She smiled, the expression sad. “I hate to admit it, but it’s the truth.” He is. It is.

“Penny, I …” Trailing off, you bit your lip. “Thank you for apologizing. I didn’t … it wasn’t my … I’m not trying to rub it in or anything like that. This just … happened.” And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But that doesn’t mean I want to be an asshole about it. “I just want what’s best for him and Ellie.” 

“Yeah.” She gave you a tight smile and then extended her hand. “Truce? Jackson’s pretty small, and it’ll be so much easier if we can move past this.” It was an apology, sure. And for the most part, you heard sincerity in it. But she’s acting like I’ve been extending this feud, too… and it’s all been her. 

“Yeah, Penny.” You took her hand, fingers curling around hers. “Sure. That works for me.” But I have nothing to apologize for. “I’m going to head back inside, though. I’m cold, and the movie’s probably starting.” She nodded once but stayed outside while you turned to reenter the building, shivering at the change in air temperature. That was weird. 

“Thought about comin’ out there after you.” Joel spoke from right beside you, his hand pressed against your lower back. “Especially after I watched her follow you out. But we didn’t hear any arguin’, so…”

“Nah, Joel.” Finishing your drink, you set the empty cup down on one of the tables. “We’re good, I think. For now, at least.” You shrugged, meeting his eyes. “Might not have to fight Penny anymore over you, but I’ve seen the looks you’re getting tonight … no one’s going to forget the sight of you in that jersey, Miller.” 

“Was never anything to fight over.” He locked his jaw, blinking slowly. “Not for you.” He raised one brow, clearing his throat. “And it’s just a jersey. It’s loose, and I’m fifty years old. Tommy’s the one runnin’ around in those damn Spandex pants.” 

“Mmmm, yeah, he is, but no one here’s dumb enough to make eyes at Maria’s husband, so…” You reached out, pressing your hand to the center of his chest, fingers spread over the WYO there. “Guess I’ll just have to double ‘em up on you.”

“Fine by me.” The corner of his mouth rose briefly, but when the lights dimmed, Joel’s head turned toward where the screen was illuminated, the press of his hand against your back firm. “What did they pick for tonight?” 

“Hocus Pocus.” You smiled, shrugging. “It’s a safe choice. Witches and talking cats and cursed spellbooks are a lot different than zombies or vampires. They see enough violence as it is, and …” You smiled sadly. “It’s just a nice break.” He nodded, agreeing, and then Joel urged you forward, though you stood at the edge of the mostly seated crowd. 

“Already told Ellie we might head out before the end of the movie, so I figured we could just stand for a while.” He spoke from behind you, directly into your ear. “And then sneak out before everyone else does and we get stuck talkin’ til midnight.” 

“I like that plan.” Leaning back against him, you took a deep breath. “Does that mean I get to go home with the quarterback tonight?”

“No, Maria’s got that covered.” He laughed, both arms winding around you. “So unless you’re goin’ home with them, you’ll have to settle for me.”

“Settle?” Turning your head, you kissed his cheek. “You’re crazy, Joel.” He didn’t reply, but there was no need - the tightening of his arms was more than enough. 

— 

When the two of you exited the room a half hour later, you didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone. Instead, you quietly left through the side door, both of you hurrying around the building and toward the sidewalk. “Shit, it got cold.” 

“Yeah, well, at least you’ve got that cape. I don’t even have sleeves.” He grumbled from next to you, rubbing his hands over his arms. “It gets real cold here early. Even in Boston, it wasn’t like this.” 

“It shocked me, too.” You took his hand, squeezing it. “And the snow and cold also stick around a lot longer in the spring. I was actually kind of surprised that it was all gone when you and Ellie got back this year.” 

“Great.” He sighed, letting the exhale out in a burst - along with his next words. “I just want to thank you, because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be doin’ half the shit I have here.” 

“What?” You stopped, looking both ways at the corner even though it wasn’t necessary, and then the two of you crossed the street, stepping off of the curb at the same time. Where’d that come from? “You’re welcome, but -”

“You’re gonna tell me I don’t need to thank you, but I do.” Joel’s hand tightened around yours, the man continuing a moment later. “When we first got here, you were just nice. I wasn’t real nice back, either. But you didn’t hold it against me, or against Ellie.”

“She’s just a kid, Joel. She’s done and seen too much for someone her age, but she’s still just a teenager. Of course I’m not going to take it out on her when someone else is an asshole.”

“I deserve that.” He did - you agreed, but you understood. “None of this is easy for me, not after everything I’ve seen and done. This feels … wrong, y’know?” 

“I do. It all felt that way for me for about a year after I got here,  but you… you have a lot more to think back on. Of course it’s going to take longer.” 

“I mean … for the first time in damn near 20 years, I ain’t starvin’. I’m sleepin’ on a bed that has new pillows and a thick blanket, and I have a shower and a sink and clean water, and a place to keep my shit that actually has a good lock, and -” He stopped, tugging on your hand and turning to face you. “I’m finally startin’ to understand that I don’t have to worry about havin’ to protect myself or someone I care about every time I leave my house, and that I can let Ellie outta my sight and she isn’t going to get into any real trouble.” 

“How does you realizing any of this involve me, though?” You gestured around you with one hand, the material swishing around your body as you moved. “It’s not me, it’s Jackson, Joel. It’s the gate and the walls and the people here and -”

“You didn’t give up on me.” He swallowed hard, brows furrowed and a deep line etched between them. “Most people would have seen me and been around me for a couple minutes and noticed how I treated people and just … avoided me. Avoided Ellie because she was with me. But you didn’t. And you didn’t try to push me into anything I wasn’t really ready for, and …”

“Joel.” Exhaling, you pressed your hand to the center of his chest again, the slick material of his jersey cold to the touch. “I didn’t give up on you because I wanted you to be happy here. Both of you, actually. And I did push you, but it was just … you needed to understand that this place isn’t going to chew you up and spit you out like most other places would.” You let go of his hand and pointed back in the direction you’d come from, shaking your head. “You needed to see firsthand that Jackson isn’t like the QZs. It’s not like the settlements where hunters have taken over, or where people are just living in tents or out of cars or …” You needed to see it as a home. “Tommy told you that you had a place here, but that doesn’t just mean a place to sleep, Joel. It might be stupid to think about hosting parties and movie nights and having holiday celebrations, but we do it because it’s what we need, and you’re included in that. It takes a little time for everyone, but …”

“But the longer I didn’t get involved, the harder it would be for me. I got it. Ellie said the same damn thing. But she doesn’t understand …. She doesn’t understand that feeling of lettin’ yourself get comfortable and -”

“And losing everything?” You reached up, running your fingertips over his beard as you thought of the girl mentioning Riley. “No, she doesn’t, not in the same way we do. And I hope she never does. But there’s a difference between getting too comfortable and letting yourself live. And right now?” You tapped his cheek, grinning. “You’re living, Joel Miller. And I’m so happy to be a small part of it.” 

“Small part?” He shook his head. “Hell no.” Joel cleared his throat, pointing down the street. “Now we need to get back to my place because I’m freezin’. We can keep talkin’ when we get there, but -”

“I don’t want to keep talking, Joel.” You stepped back, grinning at him. “But I do think I’ll be able to find a couple ways to warm you up.” 

— 

Fifteen minutes later, you were waiting in the kitchen for Joel, sipping from a mug of tea while you rested your elbows on the kitchen island. He’d unlocked the door for you and then headed around the back of the house to light Ellie’s wood stove, ensuring that she’d be warm when she got home. 

He’d instructed you not to remove your costume, so you’d left everything in place, even going so far as to flip the cloak’s hood up while you waited. If I don’t think about it hard enough, this is just … another Halloween. It certainly felt like it - carving pumpkins, roasting seeds and sharing them with Joel and Ellie, dressing up and going to a party with someone, and then going home with them was more involved with the holiday than you’d been since before the outbreak. It feels too impossible to be true. 

But it was true - and you being in Joel’s softly lit kitchen, waiting for him to come back inside was actually happening. A year ago I didn’t know him, and now … Smiling at the sound of the front door closing, you turned your head, glancing back at the entryway. Now I have this. “That you, Joel?”

“You waitin’ on someone else?” He stood behind you, just shy of touching you. “Because that’d be real shitty, especially in my own damn kitchen.” 

“Only you.” Straightening up, you turned to face him, leaving the mug on the countertop. “And now that we’re alone and no one else is going to interrupt me, I can finally tell you how fucking good you look in that jersey, and how all I’ve thought about all damn night is getting to watch you pull it off in front of me.”

“Bullshit.” You saw the color rising in his cheeks, though - the man’s fingers curling and then relaxing before he crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s just a -”

“No, Joel. It’s something normal. It’s you wearing something that isn’t functional. It’s you in an outfit that serves no purpose aside from covering your body and -”

“D’you have a thing for uniforms?” He stepped back, tilting his head to the side. “Guys in uniforms, I mean?”

“No.” Biting your lip, you wrinkled your nose. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” No, I have a thing for you in a uniform. “If I’d known you were going to give me shit, I never would have said anything about your stupid arms or your stupid broad shoulders in that damn thing.”

“I like it.” He swallowed, the muscles in his throat working as he stared at you. “Almost forgot what it felt like to be objectified by a woman dressed like a vampire on Halloween.” He barely kept a straight face as he got the words out, and you were laughing only moments later, the man’s arms winding around you and his lips landing on the top of your head. He held you for a few seconds while you composed yourself, eyes closing as you inhaled the scent of him. “You would have loved Tommy before, he played all kinds of sports. You probably would have dated him, if I’m bein’ honest.”

“No, I wouldn’t have.” You backed away enough to meet his eyes. “Because I know Tommy. And I know enough to know that even though I like him, I wouldn’t have ever dated him. Maybe someone like him, but he’s not the Miller brother I’m interested in.” 

“You’re so sure.” He ran his hands over the smooth material of your cape, head shaking back and forth. “But you don’t know.” 

“I do, Joel.” Nodding, you kept your eyes on his face. “I love your brother, but we’d drive each other insane if we tried to live together. We’re too much alike. He and Maria are perfect for each other. And I know you already know how I feel about all that, because he told me that you asked.”

“That asshole.” Joel rolled his eyes, his tone a mirror of Tommy’s from the day before. “What happened to private conversations?”

“You’ll have to ask him about that.” You rested your hands on his hips, smile widening. “Also, do you really think Maria would be alright with me and Tommy going out on multi-day patrols together if there was any chance something was going to happen between us? No way.” 

He wanted to say something else - you could see it on his face - but instead of speaking, Joel pulled his bottom lip back and between his teeth, eyes locked with yours as he pulled you closer. You curled your fingers against his sides, the jersey material filling your hands, and then Joel was kissing you, mouth moving slowly against yours. 

It deepened quickly, his lips parting so that he could slip his tongue past them and against yours, but he didn’t push you for more. He didn’t need to, because you were waiting for it - your own mouth opening and inviting him in, hands sliding up his sides and then toward his back, the stitching on the numbers raised against your palms. 

It was the perfect kiss - a demonstration of actions speaking louder than words - and even though you didn’t want to end it, you needed to, backing off with a long inhale, your eyelids fluttering open. “Joel?” He hummed in response, lips trailing over the bridge of your nose before they landed on your forehead. “Do you want me to put the fangs back in? Might make the kissing a little -”

“No.” He growled the word, crowding you backward and against the island. “Leave ‘em right where they are.” He groaned, rocking his hips forward to meet yours. “I do want to go upstairs, though. You mentioned warmin’ me up, and I’m still pretty cold.” I did. 

“Are you?” You pushed him away, ducking out from under his arm and moving toward the doorway. “We should do something about that, then.” 

He followed you almost immediately, the man leading you upstairs much the same way he had the first night that you’d been in his bed, though you didn’t pause on the landing. And you didn’t hesitate walking into his room before him, either, Joel’s hand on your back urging you into the space - which was much warmer than you thought it would be. 

Joel stopped you before you reached the bed, though, your name quiet in the mostly dark room and his fingers around your wrist, urging you to turn and face him. “Hmm?” He didn’t speak, instead reaching out and undoing the knot at your throat with one hand, twisting the end of the ribbon around two fingers before he tugged. It fell easily, the silky material pooling around your feet, and then Joel took his time looking at you, his eyes roving over your form like he’d never seen it before. 

You weren’t wearing anything special - just dark jeans and a short-sleeve tee shirt with a scoop neck, but like him, there was nothing functional about your outfit - and you’d even put on a decently new bra that night. Not that it matters. It’s going to be on the floor in a few minutes. “You want to take this off, or do you want me to do it?” 

“Go ahead.” Lifting your arms, you stared at him. “It’s all you.” He moved slowly, peeling the fabric up and over your torso and then your head, letting it drop to the floor before moving his hands to your waist and undoing the button on your jeans. He didn’t pull them down, though, instead running his fingertips along the skin of your abdomen and then settling a hand on your hip, thumb pressing down. 

Joel always touched you with purpose, and that night was no different - his hands exploring your body while he remained focused on your face, the man’s eyes darkening by the second and the rise and fall of his chest quickening, too. “Would it be alright with you if I’m not … patient tonight?” What? “Wanna take my time, but …” You watched the flash of tongue that appeared when he licked his lips, his gaze dropping to your chest and then rising again to meet yours. “But I don’t know if I can.” 

“Whatever you want, Joel.” Reaching up, you dragged your fingers through his hair. “I-” He moved before you could finish the sentence, Joel stepping forward and pushing you back and against the doorframe. The wood rattled slightly at your impact, but you had no chance to worry about it because he was kissing you hard, the man’s mouth sealed over yours. 

There was desperation in it along with a focus that was uniquely Joel, and despite the intensity of his kiss, he still made sure to protect the back of your head with one hand, his palm cradling it while he squeezed your hip with the other. And you gripped the slick material of his jersey, the fabric cool where it touched your bare skin, his chest pressed to yours. 

It had been a long and mostly lonely 20 years, and even though you hated everything that each of you had been through to get to that moment you were sharing, you were thankful that you’d made it. Because we deserve something good. We deserve this for whatever time we have together. 

“Wanna get in the bed?” He questioned you while catching his breath, the hand at your hip dropping so that he could squeeze your thigh through your jeans. “Might make things easier.” 

“Joel, this all you tonight.” You reached up, hooking a finger in the neckline of his jersey. “You’re free to …” You trailed off, thinking hard. What was it? “Call the plays? Was that it? Run a quarterback sn-” He cut you off with a kiss that was more a growl of annoyance than anything else, and for long moments, you stopped thinking and focused on him - the heat of his body, the weight of it holding you against the door frame, the give of his lips as they pressed to yours. 

You were in deep, and you knew it - knew that feeling so much for someone else was dangerous in the world you lived in. But you also knew that if you were aware of that, Joel was also aware of it, and in some ways, likely even moreso. But we’re here now. Both of us, and - “Get your ass in that bed.” 

He backed off, hands dropping from your body so that one of them could rise to the back of his neck. You didn’t answer verbally, instead using both of your hands to push the jeans down so that you could step out of them, shivering slightly in the air of his bedroom. Joel nodded twice at the sight of you, one side of his mouth lifted into the smirk that you looked forward to seeing - and then he stepped to the side, gesturing for you to pass him. 

You wanted to sprint for the mattress - wanted to jump in and settle against the softness of the blankets, but you forced yourself to move slowly, passing the man and reaching for him as you did. You grabbed the jersey again, encouraging him to follow - and Joel did just that, his footsteps echoing yours across the wooden floor. 

When you reached the bed you paused, closing your eyes and taking a breath, but before you could lift one foot to climb in, Joel stopped you with an arm around your waist, his other hand sliding up your bare arm slowly enough that you could feel the goosebumps as they followed the motion. 

“Trick or treat?” He spoke directly into your ear, beard and mustache scraping over your skin. What? Your eyes flew open, lips parting in confusion, but before you could turn your head, Joel repeated his question, his hold on you tightening. “Trick or treat? 

Playful Joel was someone that you rarely encountered, and you didn’t want to waste what was clearly an opportunity for him to relax - and for you to reap the benefits. “I’m almost positive that you don’t have any candy hidden in those pockets, Joel.” Leaning back against him, you closed your eyes and grinned, giving yourself a few seconds to think back to gorging on your favorite candy after coming home from Halloween parties or the bars. “Good thing I don’t need that, though.” Spinning around to face him, you shrugged as both of his hands fell back to your waist. “You’re sweet enough for -”

 He groaned at your words but you watched as his cheeks reddened, the skin at the base of his throat and the center of his chest following suit. “That’s the cheesiest goddamn bullshit I have heard in twenty years, and I listened to Ellie readin’ out of a joke book for four months.” It’s the truth though. You are to me at least. “You pickin’ treat, then?”

“No.” Your voice was steady, head moving back and forth. “No, I’m picking trick.” He was visibly surprised, both brows shooting upward, but Joel recovered quickly, telling you he’d be right back and then spinning away from you and walking back into the darkened hallway. It gave you a chance to catch your breath, your arms crossed over your chest while you waited. 

“Do you trust me?” He appeared again, a piece of cloth held in his hands. “Ain’t much of a trick, but -”

“I do.” Dropping your arms, you nodded, eyes locked with his. “I trust you.” But what’s that? 

“It’s clean. I have a whole pile of these in my workshop for oilin’ wood, but this one’s new.” He held up the cloth - something that looked like it had once been a shirt or a blanket - and then started deftly folding it, the man never looking away as he did so. “And I won’t tie it too tight, but -” Joel stepped closer, holding up the thinner strip. “I thought you’d pick treat so I didn’t really have a plan, and a blindfold’s the best I -”

“Before you do that,” you started, holding up one finger and hoping it didn’t shake. He wants to blindfold me. I was not expecting that. “Let me at least watch you take that off, since I’m never going to get the chance to see Touchdown Joel again.” He laughed, the sound quiet, but didn’t disagree, tucking the folded cloth into his front pocket and then reaching for the hem of the jersey. 

The muscles in his forearms flexed, your eyes drawn to that as he pulled it up over his torso, exposing each inch of his body to your greedy eyes. 

He was wearing a shirt underneath - a simple white one - the thin material stretched over his broad frame. At the sight of it, you licked your lips unconsciously, teeth digging into the lower one immediately after. Joel’s face came back into view, his hair slightly messy, and at your first glimpse of him like that, you couldn’t hold back. “Fuck, Joel. I wish you could just …” Gesturing with one hand, you shook your head. “Look at you.” 

“You’re not gonna be able to in a second.” His smirk was back, the man’s eyes hazy with desire. “So you better do it now.” Oh, I will. Don’t you worry about that. “If it’s too much, take it off. I haven’t done this before, so I don’t know if you’re gonna like it or not.” I haven’t either, but … You shivered when he pulled the blindfold back out, holding it up. “If you want to stop, tell me.” 

“I will.” You met his gaze again, hoping he could tell you were being honest. “I know you’re going to take care of me, Joel. We’ll be fine.” He stepped closer and then moments later, the cloth covered your eyes - material soft against your cheeks and the bridge of your nose as he pulled it taut. The scent of him enveloped you, your hands rising and then pressing against his sides before they moved to his lower back, Joel solidly there. “Wow, this is …” You closed your eyes beneath the covering, taking a deep breath. “I can’t see anything Joel.” 

“That’s kinda the point.” He cleared his throat, saying your name. “I changed my mind, by the way.” Humming in question, you waited. “I’m gonna take my time with you tonight. Keep you waitin’.” 

“Oh, fuck you, Joel.” You groaned, lowering your head in mock defeat. “How -”

“That’s the plan.” You lost it at that, laughing loudly, but you were cut off when he settled his hand on the side of your neck, thumb extended beneath your chin so that he could tilt your head back. Oh, he… “C’mere.” It was barely muttered, but you still heard the words before his mouth met yours, the desperation from earlier gone and replaced with a tenderness that you didn’t usually associate with the Joel you interacted with on a daily basis. 

Part of you wondered if it was the trust that you’d put in him. Another part thought that maybe it was the fact that he’d let himself relax throughout the night, and seeing you before him with your eyes covered was helping to keep his mind on you and nothing else. It doesn’t matter, you told yourself as you kissed him back, Joel drawing your lip between his and then sucking, the pressure a welcome change. It doesn’t matter because now I know that this is still in there. That he can still - “Joel, holy fuck.” 

Your thoughts scattered mid-sentence when he dragged the edges of his nails down the center of your back, his other thumb gliding slowly over your kiss-swollen lips. “You like that?” You nodded in reply, too dumbfounded to speak again, and when he chuckled, the sound low, you felt your stomach bottom out, mouth falling open at the sound. “Good. That’s real good.”

He kissed you again then, the only warning you got a single exhale that warmed your lips before his covered them. Your fingers curled, the softness of his t-shirt bunched up against your palms - but Joel didn’t seem to mind, the kiss intensifying with the addition of his teeth, the man biting down against your lower lip briefly and using your surprised gasp as an opening. 

You’d kissed your fair share of men throughout the years - some tentative kisses at school dances or the overeager ones at the ends of dates, others the desperate kisses that you remembered vividly from after the outbreak or the ones that were the result of confessed feelings throughout the years - but none of them had ever felt the way each kiss with Joel had. 

Even the first one on the hillside had felt important, you beginning the motion but Joel finishing it and making the first contact, a sign that despite what you thought you knew, there was still much more to him if the situation was right. And as you got more comfortable with each other, you began to understand him more; Joel’s body language only able to mask his true emotions for so long. 

The fact that he trusted you was huge, too, and as he led you the final few steps through the room, one hand on your waist and the other cradling the back of your neck so that he didn’t have to pull away from you, you understood how much. “Feel that?” He murmured the words after taking a breath, his nose running along the side of yours. “Bed’s right there. Want to get in?” 

“Yes.” Squaring your shoulders, you nodded. “Which end are the pillows at?” Joel spun you around slowly so that you were facing away from him, one palm sliding over your stomach, but he took your other hand and squeezed, lips hovering just above your ear. 

“Pillows are on this side.” Smart. “ He squeezed again, humming. “But before you climb in, I think we need to take a couple more things off.” You answered with a single nod and Joel’s hand slipped lower, fingertips hooking beneath the waistband of your underwear. “Startin’ with these.” He let go of your hand and then the second joined the first, the material moving over your hips and then down your legs where you stepped out of them, toeing them off to the side. “Almost there.” He kissed the back of your shoulder and then unhooked your bra, making quick work of the straps so that it could join the rest of your clothes on the floor. 

You stood in front of him, and even though you couldn’t see his expression, you could imagine it - his eyes roving over every inch of bare skin, the flex of his fingers just the right side of frustrated as he stuck his tongue into one cheek. “What about you? You still had all those -”

“Patience.” He whispered the word into your ear, pressing a kiss to the space just beneath it a moment later. “We got time.” We do. We really do. “Get in and get comfortable.” His hands were on your hips and he nudged you forward, the man’s touch warm. “I’ll be right behind you.” Taking a deep breath, you reached out, your hand making contact with the bedding before you lifted one knee to climb in. 

You knew that he was watching you. But the blindfold made everything a little more complicated, so you also knew that you were less than graceful as you got situated. Hopefully he isn’t going to laugh, because I … I don’t know that I’d be able to handle that right now. 

You stretched out, taking a deep breath as you sank into the familiar-smelling blankets, a smile curving your lips upward. It was quiet, but you still heard Joel’s hum of approval which sent a wash of warmth through you, your fingers curling into the comforter. Alright so he likes what he sees. 

There was some shuffling, and you assumed it was him removing the rest of his clothes, but before you could open your mouth to ask what was taking so long, you felt one of his large hands on your side, guiding your forward so that you were laying more or less on your stomach. “Lay flat. Arms by your sides.” What? How is that - 

You did as he asked, repositioning yourself as he’d requested. Before you could get truly comfortable, though, he murmured for you to lift your head, the softness of a pillow sliding beneath your cheek moments later. “Joel, this is great and all, but how is this a trick?” 

“I told you, I’m workin’ with what I’ve got.” He sighed. “I donno. It’s a trick because you can’t see and because it’s not just right inta sex, and -”

“I’m not complaining.” You laughed, shaking your head back and forth without lifting it again. “I’m just wondering, because if this is supposed to be a trick, then I can’t imagine what my treat would have been.”

“You’re still gonna get onea those, too.” You felt his touch again, Joel’s fingers spread wide and his palm gliding up the expanse of your back. “Don’t worry.” You shivered, letting out a shuddering breath, and he continued to touch you, the man’s breaths lengthening as his second hand joined the first. He rubbed at your back, increasing the pressure - pressing down with the heels of his hands on either side of your spine, digging his fingers briefly into your shoulders, thumbs arcing up the base of your neck and then back down. 

“That feels amazing, Joel. Your hands are … fuck.” You’d seen him work with them - seen him fire a gun and swing an axe and use a hammer or chisel. You’d watched him saddle up horses and cook meals and carry things, but each time he touched you with them you were reminded of just how capable he was. In all ways. He could be doing anything with those hands and this is what … what he wants. You arched your back, breathing out his name when he found a knot in one of your lower muscle groups, his focus immediately stopping there. “I didn’t even know that -”

“I got you.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ask you somethin’?” His tone was hesitant, and you knew that whatever he was going to ask was likely difficult for him to articulate. But you didn’t mind, telling him to go ahead as his hands kept moving over your body. “How … why are you alright with me havin’ my hands all over you like this?” What? “You know better’n anyone except maybe Tommy what I’ve done with them, and -” 

“You did what you had to do to survive, Joel.” It was a reminder you gave him often - mostly on the days where he had to take down infected on patrol, or when he woke from nightmares, his breath nothing more than gasps as his fingers clawed for anything solid, which most often turned out to be you. But it came when you least expected it sometimes, too, and that night was one of those times. “We all did. And we’re all guilty of getting our hands dirty.” He’d done worse things than most, though, that fact something that he’d tried to keep hidden from everyone, but specifically you and Ellie, though you suspected that you knew more than the girl. “That doesn’t mean that’s all we are, Joel.” 

It wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have without being able to look at him, but as he stayed quiet and continued to run his hands along your skin, you realized that maybe that was why you were having it in that moment. 

With your eyes covered, you couldn’t see the shame in his. You wouldn’t be able to gaze at him with sympathy or understanding, or see the way his jaw ticked while he forced the questions out and listened to your answers. It’s easier for him this way. “I’m still that man. I’d still be that man without hesitation if I had to -”

“You would. And I know that.” Taking a long breath, you held it. “And I hate that you have to be that, but the only reason you’re still here is because you are. Ellie wouldn’t be here without you. Tommy wouldn’t be here without that part of you. You became that man to protect the people you love, Joel.” You reached back with one hand, finding and circling his wrist before you squeezed, moving your fingers up the inside of his forearm and trailing over the thin scars there. “You’re still here because you’re a fighter. You might not like it, but it’s part of you the same way it’s a part of -” 

“Stop makin’ so much sense.” He interrupted you, voice thick with emotion. “Makes me feel like such an asshole.” Your smile was small but you knew he saw it, Joel pulling his arm from your grasp so that he could continue touching you. “I just never thought I’d…” He leaned over, resting his forehead on your shoulder. “Never thought I’d be able to have this again. Not with someone like you, anyway.” 

“You’ve got me, remember?” Humming, you shifted your shoulders, Joel’s thumbs circling over your lower back. “More ways than one, Joel Miller.” 

“Yeah. I guess I do.” There was a pause and then he actually climbed into the bed, hands on your hips for balance as he situated himself over you. “You comfortable?”

“I am.” He settled his weight against your legs - and you felt the bare skin of his, confirmation that he had, in fact, also undressed. “You keep doing that with your hands, you’re going to put me to sleep.” 

“That’s not the plan.” He leaned forward, hands resting on your shoulders. “The plan is to -”

He was interrupted by a series of explosions from outside, Joel jumping out of the bed so quickly that he actually kicked you in the process. You sat up, too, tearing the blindfold from your face and crossing the room to follow him to the window, using both arms to cover yourself. What the fuck is - 

There was another series of noises, and then moments later, you saw the cause of them - golden sparks shooting through the sky and popping into glittering trails, one after the other. “Fireworks.” You sagged against the window frame, covering your face with one hand as two shadowy figures ran through the darkness, away from where the noise had come from. “Fucking kids and their fireworks. You’d think that -”

“Why the fuck are those still in Jackson?” He spun toward you, all traces of playfulness gone. “And how do people get -”

“We keep them in one of the storehouses in case we need to use them for distractions. The most useful are things like bottle rockets and firecrackers. You can set ‘em off in one place and get out of the area pretty quick, and they do the job. Noise attracts the infected, and if it’s people, they’re usually smart enough to realize that someone alive needed to set them off, so they investigate.”  He nodded, eyes narrowed. “And we ration out things like sparklers and those stupid little pop-its to the kids. They’re pretty quiet, you saw that over the summer.” 

“Those weren’t sparklers.” He pointed, lip curled into a snarl. “Those were loud. And Ellie’s out there somewhere, and -”

“There are still people on guard duty, Joel. It was loud, yeah, but the mountains will distribute the sound, and we haven’t seen anything to worry about on patrol in weeks.” Swallowing, you looked around, reaching for the blanket that he kept on the back of the armchair in front of the window. “You saw them running the same way I did. It was just a couple kids, and now they’re done.” Hopefully. 

Wrapping the material around your shoulders, you stepped back toward the bed, disappointment coursing through your veins. Guess the trick came from somewhere else. “Do we need to go help ‘em look for whoever it was?” He walked back to you, footsteps heavy on the wooden floor. “Are they going to radio over?”

“They probably won’t, no. There are plenty of people on duty already. But if you want to…” You sat on the edge of the bed, bending over and reaching for your pants. “We can -”

“Look at me.” You did, eyes widening at the sight of the man standing at the foot of the bed, both hands covering as much of himself below the waist as he could. In spite of yourself, you smiled at what you saw, eyes trailing up the man’s muscled body until they landed on his face. He was concerned - the worry etched deep into his features, but he was much more calm than he had been only moments earlier. “Do you think we need to go and check it out?” 

“No.” It was immediate, the word accompanied by a firm shake of your head. “If there’s actual trouble, they’ll radio over. If it happens again, then yeah, we should go. There are enough people here that you don’t need to worry about getting involved in every situation, Joel.” You paused, closing your eyes. “But if it’ll make you feel better, we can go. Won’t take too long to get dressed, and we saw the way they ran off, so -”

“No.” He stepped even closer, his tone even. “I need to start trustin’ other people. And I trust you. You say we don’t need to go, we’ll stay here until someone needs us.” It was hard for him - you could see it in the way he held himself, but when Joel nodded again, closing his eyes and tilting his head forward, you finally relaxed. “It’s gonna kill me not to go, but -” But it’s the right call. 

“Let me distract you, then.” You stood, letting the blanket fall away, and then wound your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his. “It’s fine for you to worry, but I promise you, someone’s got it handled. We’re a community here, Joel. It’s not just every man for himself.” 

“I know.” He mumbled the words, hands moving to your waist and urging you even closer. “But I need to know you’re safe. You an’ Ellie.” It still floored you every time he mentioned you in line with the girl, but it filled you with relief at the same time, because it meant that in his mind, you were just as important to him as she was. And if not as important … it’s close. 

A few months shouldn’t have been enough for him to feel that way, even if it was more than long enough for you to understand Joel’s place in your life and in your heart. But you wouldn’t question it; people that arrived in Jackson got acclimated to it in their own time. For some, it only took weeks. Others, months passed before they stopped looking over their shoulders at every opportunity. 

You’d figured it would take much longer for Joel overall. And it will, you reminded yourself, lips trailing over the stubble on his cheek. He’ll be fine in some ways and still need time for others. “We’re safe, Joel.” Kissing him softly, you nodded. “Here in Jackson. With you. And you’re safe here, too.” 

That was all you got out before he kissed you hard, Joel’s mouth rough against yours, hands squeezing your flesh to keep you as close as possible. You could feel him pressed against your hip, his body rapidly recovering from the fear he’d experienced at the sudden interruption. 

Joel licked into your mouth moments later, tongue prodding yours before he pulled back and groaned, his nose wrinkled and both eyes shut. “Things were goin’ so well. And now I’m just -”

“They’re still going well.” You rubbed your hand in a slow circle over his back, nodding. “Really well, if you ask me.” Your hand moved lower, following the curve of his hip. “I’m going to get back into bed, and I think you should follow me.” 

He didn’t reply before you pulled out of his hold, turning away and then climbing back into the bed. It was easier that time, your eyes wide open and making it simple for you to get comfortable - stretched back out on your belly with both arms folded and beneath your head. “Look at me for a minute.” 

The command came out of nowhere, and when you turned your head to the side, looking in his direction, you gasped at what you saw - Joel’s fingers curled around himself, the man stroking lazily along his length. “I…” Biting the corner of your lip, you smiled up at him. “Damn.” 

He was in no hurry - the motion of his hand slow and steady, deep brown eyes focused on you and your reaction instead of rushing himself to the edge. “I could have you watch me.” He sighed, grunting at the end of the sentence when he tightened his grip momentarily. “Just lay there and watch, maybe touch yourself, and -”

“Is that what you want?” Breath catching, you rolled onto your back, eyes locked on Joel’s face. “Just to watch each other? No touching, or -”

“No.” He shook his head back and forth, his free hand rising to scratch the back of his neck. “It’s not. Because I’ve had enougha my own hand to last me a lifetime, especially when you’re right here in front of me.” He took another step closer, the tip of his tongue visible for brief moments. He followed the movement of your hand, his eyes on your fingers as they trailed down your torso and came to rest on your abdomen, waiting. “How ‘bout you?” 

“I want you, Joel.” You shrugged, the blanket rustling beneath your shoulders. “Always want you.” It slipped out - but that didn’t mean you meant it any less, and even though you were worried about how he’d take such an admission, you didn’t need to be. His eyes widened and darkened in the span of a few seconds, Joel giving himself one final squeeze before getting into bed with you. 

He positioned himself atop you without hesitation, straddling your body and then leaning forward, his hand stroking the side of your face. “Want you too.” He nodded, the desire in his expression underlined with certainty. “So much more than I have any damn right to.” 

It was one of the times he needed your reassurance - even though he was honest with what he felt, it wasn’t easy for him. It’s not easy for me, either … but it’s not as hard. 

“That’s not true.” Reaching up, you threaded your fingers through his hair, pulling his face down to yours. “And you know it.” He scoffed but didn’t try to pull away, his mouth settling against yours in a kiss that was more of a reaction than anything else. But it feels right. It feels so right. You continued to kiss him, mouths moving together and your hips rising to meet his, the weight of Joel a welcome presence against your own body. 

He was harder than he had been, too, Joel’s length solid and warm where it touched you, and it took everything in you not to reach for him - replacing his fingers with yours and and beginning to stroke. Because that’s not what I want. 

“Roll over.” He breathed the words out, mouthing at your jawline. “Get comfortable.” You nodded, waiting until he shifted off of you to do as he’d asked. Once you were on your stomach, you felt the mattress bounce as Joel stood up, floor creaking as he crossed the room. You wondered what he was doing, but only for a few seconds. “Lift up a little.” He spoke quietly, voice low in the darkness. “Gonna put this under you.”

Pushing up with both hands, you hummed at the silk-soft feel of a pillow sliding between your stomach and the mattress, elevating your hips a few inches off of the bed. From there, he used both hands to urge your legs apart, strong fingers trailing up the backs of your thighs as he climbed back into bed and positioned himself with his knees caging your legs in. “This alright, Joel?” 

Still elevated, you turned your head to look back at him and caught a single nod, his expression serious. “More than alright.” Pulling one of the pillows down so that you could rest your head on it, you folded your arms and settled in, lips curving upward in a contented smile when you felt his hands gripping you, squeezing your curves. 

He was tense - you could still feel it in him, but that didn’t stop Joel from lining himself up between your thighs, the tip of him nudging at your entrance. There was no stopping your body’s reaction; your hips instinctively jerked backward, seeking him out. And Joel didn’t keep you waiting, the man using the motion of your hips and the forward momentum of his own to slip inside of you. 

It was a stretch because he’d barely touched you that night. Though you were used to him after a few months of regularly sleeping with him, Joel always eased into you, no matter how thorough he’d been in preparation. He did the same then, pausing to give you time to adjust but not for too long - the man grunting when he sank into you to the base, your muscles tightening around him. 

He paused there, his hands moving to your hips to steady himself. It was only at your hum of contentment and a slight shift of your shoulders as you pressed your cheek against the pillow, eyes closed that Joel began to move for the first time. 

You felt every thrust - the man starting slow and shallow, your body steadied by his capable hands. As Joel’s speed increased, his grip tightened and so did the press of his legs against your body - the muscles in his thighs taut and the sounds of his quiet grunting and skin meeting skin filling the room. 

You missed looking at him, and even though you enjoyed the position - Joel able to put more power into each motion of his hips, your entire body comfortable and steady - it only took moments for you to open your eyes and use both hands to raise the top half of your body so that you could rest your weight on your forearms and turn your head further. 

His eyes were closed, Joel’s head tipped back and his mouth hanging open, and at the sight you moaned, a shudder traveling throughout your entire body. Fuck he looks good like that. The sound startled him, Joel’s hips stuttering and his eyes flying open, his hold on you tightening further though he didn’t stop moving. “You alright?” 

“Yes.” You groaned, the sound turning into a hum of pleasure as you arched your back more, driving him in even deeper. “Feels… feels amazing. I just…” Your fingers curled into the blanket and you took a steadying breath, blowing it out before you continued. “Saw you. You look … Fuck Joel.”

You couldn’t even put it into words - but all he’d needed was confirmation that you were fine before he picked up the pace again, Joel’s eyes staying open. His breaths were accompanied by grunts, and when you felt one of his hands straying from your hip and sliding up your side, you nodded in appreciation, attention divided between the way he felt with each push into you and the warmth of his palm against your bare skin as he stroked it. 

He slowed down a few minutes later, that hand leaving your side and resting against the bed, but before you could ask him what he was doing, you felt him shift behind you. Joel leaned forward, covering your back with his body, and when his mouth made contact with your shoulder, the edges of his teeth grazing the skin, you cried out, the sound a mix of startled pleasure and his name. 

He liked that; you could feel his smile as he continued to mouth at your skin, and when he thrust his hips forward again, you realized he’d changed the position of his knees, widening the spread of his legs to give himself more leverage. It felt amazing - like it always did - but the slower pace and Joel’s mouth on your body proved that he also missed the typical closeness that your usual sex positions afforded you. Good. Good, because I like knowing that. 

You grinned again, letting your head hang down - but your eyes flew open when you felt the hand at your hip slide forward, his fingertips skating across the skin of your abdomen and then lower. It was dark in the room - but not too dark for you to watch his hand disappear between your legs, fingers zeroing in on the place where you were connected. 

He grunted then - the sound low and deep, but he didn’t stay there, sliding his hand back up so that the tips of his fingers could find - and begin to stroke - against your sensitive skin. Joel had learned your body surprisingly quickly, and that night was further proof. He’s perfect. This is … fuck, this is … 

Keeping up the momentum of his hips steady with slow, deep thrusts, Joel turned his head to press his cheek against your shoulderblade, breath fanning over the skin of your back. He doubled down on the motion of his fingers; circling them over you with precision, the pressure just right. You were slick and so were they - but you could still feel everything he was doing, the competing sensations ripping a low wail of his name from your throat as you fought to stay upright on shaking arms. 

He knew that you were close, the rise and fall of his chest growing shallower as he sped up his thrusts just enough to throw you off kilter. When the hand on the bed slid upward so that he made contact with the back of your arm, his thumb arcing over the skin there in a slow and deliberate motion, you shuddered, your muscles clenching around him and drawing him in deeper as the heat - and tension - continued to build low in your belly. 

“Lemme feel you.” He spoke so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him, but Joel repeated himself moments later, drawing his hips back and then slowly pushing back into you as he spoke. “Fuck, let me feel you.” Curling his index finger slightly, you felt the edge of his nail catch briefly on your skin, and that was enough to send you over, his name spilling from your lips as you came around him, every muscle in your body going taut for long seconds. He said your name, the sound almost reverent, and it made you shiver again, toes curling as you gripped the blankets tightly. 

“Joel, please.” It was barely a whisper, and you didn’t even know what you were asking for, but like he always did, Joel knew - and he gave it to you. He kept going; his hand and hips continuing their motion and prolonging your pleasure, even as your breath caught and your heart thumped against your ribs. But just before it got to be too much, he pulled his hand away, the man’s damp fingers dragging over your belly and then securely gripping your hip again. 

Joel’s thrusts shortened then, though he didn’t change his pace. When he straightened up, the weight disappearing from your back and his other hand going back to your opposite hip, you repositioned yourself slightly, lowering your upper body and bending your knees to raise your lower half for him. 

It wouldn’t take him long - you knew Joel’s tells well enough to understand that you’d rapidly brought him to the edge, too. But before you could speak and let him know that you were waiting for it, Joel snapped his hips forward one last time and then withdrew completely in a single backwards thrust. The loss of him shocked you, and your mouth fell open in surprise, but it was Joel that spoke up, growling out that he was close. 

He let go of one hip, and when you heard him sigh, followed by the telltale sound of skin on skin, you understood. He’s using his hand. But… why?  It hadn’t been discussed a second time between the two of you; your understanding of Joel’s inability to have children meant that when the two of you were together, there was no need for him to finish somewhere that wasn’t inside of you. 

And he hadn’t - unless you were using your mouth, which had happened a few times, so that night was a surprise. Unless he’s just trying to pull back from this. From…us. The thought saddened you, but you didn’t want to dwell on it until you knew for sure, because if there was one thing Joel was an expert at, it was reading body language. And if he sees a change, he’ll stop, and … 

“Is…” He grunted, the hand still on your hip moving in a slow circle. “Is it alright if I …” Another grunt, and then Joel swore, hissing out the words. “Can I come on you?” Asking changed things - and so you nodded immediately, turning your head toward him so that you could meet his eye. 

“Yeah, Joel.” Biting your lip, you reconfirmed. “Of course.” Joel continued to touch you, his hand gliding over your hip and the curve of your ass while he stroked himself with his other one. He didn’t stay quiet, either - his grunts and groans filling your ears until he swore, your name following in a lengthy exhale. 

You felt the warmth moments later, the man emptying himself onto your lower back in a series of spurts that were accompanied by more exhalation, his hand dropping down to your thigh and stilling, though you could feel his thighs tensing as he came. “Jesus Christ.” He was panting by the time he was done, and when you peeked back at him, you saw that his gaze was focused on your bare skin, the man’s mouth lifted into the barest hint of a smile while he stared. What? “You look perfect right now.” He wet his lips, finally looking up to meet your eyes. “Covered in…” Joel trailed off, shaking his head and then took a deeper breath. “Be right back. Let me get somethin’ to clean you up.” 

He got to his feet, careful not to jostle you too much. Even though you gave yourself a few seconds to appreciate the sight of him walking toward the bathroom, you closed your eyes and settled down against the bed, sliding both arms under your head. So he wasn’t trying to distance himself. He just wanted to see… shit. 

There was still a lot you had to learn about each other - and though in your mind, the fact that he could come inside of you without concern was as intimate as things could get, it seemed that for Joel, something else was true. “Sorry if it’s cold.” He returned a few seconds later, his footsteps soft on the floorboards. “It’s not from the tap, but -”

“It’ll be fine.” You mumbled the words, though you steeled yourself for the touch of the cloth. “You just -”

You yelped at the first swipe, the cloth downright chilly where it touched you, and even though you tried to make yourself stay still, it took the man’s splayed fingers between your shoulders and the press of his hand to keep you in place until he was finished wiping traces of himself from your skin. Shit that’s freezing. “I said sorry,” he continued, the words coming through barely concealed laughter. “I -” 

“Don’t even.” You pulled the pillow out once he was done and then rolled onto your side, giving him space to climb into bed if he chose to. Even if he does it won’t be for long. “You know if you fixed that water heater, you -”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved his free hand, the used cloth held in the other. “I’ll get to it.” No, you won’t. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward, dropping the washcloth onto the side table before settling his hands into his lap. “I hope that was alright. I didn’t even …” He sighed, the laugher gone from his voice. “We’ve never done that before, and …” 

“Joel.” You sat up, not bothering to cover your chest and reached out, settling your hand against his cheek and urging him to look at you. “It’s fine. For a second I thought … you were just trying to… to distance yourself from what we’ve been doing and go back to what you’re used to, but now I -”

“Hell no.” He shook his head almost violently, the look in his eyes going from concern to surprise in an instant. “No. I just got carried away and wanted to see what you looked like with me all over you.” There was no way he missed your reaction - a sharp intake of breath, both eyes widening - but he didn’t waste time, leaning in and capturing your mouth in a kiss that was fueled by want and ended with the sting of his teeth as he backed off, tugging your lower lip with him. Fuck, he… “Last thing I want with you is distance.” Joel blinked twice and you nodded, your thumb arcing over his cheekbone. 

“Good.” It was a relief for you - and you knew that that admission was about as deep as things with Joel were likely to get, but that was fine. It’s only been a few months, and it’s more than I ever expected. “I feel the same way.” He smiled, the expression fleeting, but then Joel’s eyes moved briefly to the window and he frowned, sighing. “Hey.” He looked back at you again, the man’s mouth opening, though you didn’t give him a chance to speak. “Get dressed. We’ll go and see if they’ve found those kids, alright?” 

“No, we -”

“Don’t tell me no.” Rolling your eyes, you tapped him on the cheek and then moved to get out of the bed, feeling as he kept his eyes on your naked form. “All we’ll have to do is go to the main lookout post and ask. If they found ‘em, we’ll know. If not … well, we’ll know who to look for, since I’m sure someone on the wall saw something.” 

You pulled on your jeans and underwear again, straightening up before heading to the closet, where you kept a few extra things. Joel followed moments later, the man’s arms winding around you from behind, his broad, bare chest blazing hot against your back. “Thank you for understandin’.” He nuzzled against your neck before pressing a kiss to the side of your throat, tightening his hold on you. “I know it’s probably nothin’ but … but I need to know.” 

“I get it.” You grabbed a shirt off of the hanger and then reached for one of his - a black long sleeved thermal, your fingers closing around the material. “You’ll probably want to wear this and not the jersey, though.” 

He groaned and pushed you away, the sound of your quiet laugher loud in the small closet. But when you turned toward Joel and held the shirt out, you saw that he was smiling too - the look of relief in his eyes almost palpable. 

You didn’t want to leave the house on Rancher street, and didn’t think that there was any need to. But for him? To give him peace of mind? I’d do just about anything. 

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Tag list coming soon!